


Beneath x the x Ice

by bipabrena



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Alternate Canon, Chimera Ant Arc (eventual), Developing Friendships, Eventual Romance, Greed Island Arc (eventual), M/M, Mental Anguish, The Yorknew City Arc, The story follows canon
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-14
Updated: 2018-04-07
Packaged: 2018-12-29 18:40:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 21,374
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12091041
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bipabrena/pseuds/bipabrena
Summary: Illumi Zoldyck was perfect. The gallant big brother, the perfect assassin, and the model son. As the eldest child of the infamous Zoldyck family of assassins, he followed orders without hesitation to lead his brothers in the right path. From infancy, he was taught to be emotionless, and ruthless.But what if there were more to him than meets the eye? What if, deep down, Illumi were a conflicted young man, which stems from being a neglected child, who constantly sought approval? What if he wanted the one thing which was forbidden in his family; the one thing which was drilled in his head he should never have?What if he wanted a friend?The sudden appearance of Hisoka, an extravagant magician, will, gradually, change the course of his life. This quirky jester will melt the ice within Illumi's heart, and make him challenge the views he's been ingrained from birth.He will give him a mind of his own.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> The first two chapters of this work might not be very entertaining, but bear with me. When I first wrote this, it was intended to be a silly one-shot. Then, two readers asked me to make a sequel, and I had a sudden idea for a full-work. So, yeah. Things should get a little better (hopefully) by the third chapter.

"Isn’t this a little bit hypocritical? ♥” Hisoka said casually.

Illumi looked away from the window, his impossibly large eyes piercing Hisoka. No words were needed, it was evident he didn’t know what the extravagant magician meant.

“You know,” Hisoka’s lips curved into a small smile “dining with your dear friend while telling your little brother” he put down his cup and tried to look as emotionless as he could. “ _Assassins don’t have friends, Killu, you don’t have the right to make friends._ ”, he mimicked Illumi in a robotic voice. He crossed his leg and rested his elbow on the chair, his shoulders slightly shaking in silent laughter over his own joke.

Illumi, no response, continued staring at him. Hisoka, not allowing the cold assassin to make him feel uneasy, fixated his eyes on him as well.

“Do you always go out looking like this?” Illumi broke the silence.

Hisoka rose a brow, sipping his cappuccino. “Excuse me? ♠”

Illumi blinked. “Do you always go out looking like this?” he repeated.

Hisoka resisted the urge to roll his eyes. Sometimes Illumi could be **_so_** dense. He chose to offer a smile instead. “Yes, I heard you. But I meant _excuse me_ , as in, what do you mean? ♥”

“Then why didn’t you ask what I meant instead?”

“What? ♠”

“Why didn’t you straight-up ask what I meant instead of excusing me?” the unbelievably dense assassin stirred his hot chocolate.

Hisoka’s eyes sunk, his lips drooping into a barely visible frown. Should he argue semantics with Illumi right now? He refused to. He proceeded by chuckling, drumming his nails on the wooden table.

“Illumi,” he smirked “you are most correct. Now, what did you mean by that? ♣”

Illumi brushed his hair back with his fingers, his raven mane cascading down his back. He was wearing a grey collared polo and black jeans, white air-max on his feet. He looked both casual and elegant—a strange sense of style, Hisoka thought, for an assassin. Then again, he supposed it was the best way to merge in.

“Well,” Illumi placed both hands on his mug and blew his beverage to cool it “you’re wearing that strange jester outfit again, and those arm-bands too.” Hisoka blinked. “And you’re wearing make-up.”

Hisoka felt somewhat offended. “It’s not a jester outfit,” he thought his extravagant sense of style was fabulous. “it’s just the pants.” He huffed and looked to the side. “You simply can’t understand fashion. ♠”

Illumi was still staring at him.

“Besides,” Hisoka squinted his eyes, smiling at him “you wear similar outfits when out on a job, dear Illumi. ♥” he placed a hand on his chest, feigning pride. “I dare to say that you Zoldycks have copied my style.”

“What are you talking about?” Illumi moved a strand of hair behind his ear. "I" he tapped his chin with his index finger and looked up, pondering for a couple of seconds. “I suppose the crop top and undershirt I wore during the Hunter Exam may be similar, but I don’t see how that’s copying your style.” He sipped his beverage. “And why do you call me _dear_?”

Hisoka’s eye twitched. One would think that Illumi, being the perfect assassin, was a man of few words. It would also be normal to believe he’s socially inept, as he was isolated from the world his entire childhood and teenage years, and would only be face-to-face with other people when assassinating them.

However, this ceased to be the case when he turned eighteen. Since he was older, his contracts would turn out to be more complex in nature. While the simple assassinations would be left to Killua and Kalluto for training, he would take in the bigger jobs: politicians, governors, CEOs and, sometimes, celebrities.

Due to the nature of these jobs, and the status of the victims, he had to be well prepared. A lot of these assassinations were easier when made in exclusive events, such as galas. His social etiquette, lexicon, behaviour—he had to be **_perfect_**.

So, Silva and Kikyo put him through extensive training. Some contracts involved dissatisfied wives of rich men that were interested in young heartthrobs, so he had to be **_perfect._** He was provided women that he didn’t know how his parents found— _though they weren’t prostitutes, as it would be risky and ungraceful, and Kikyo insisted it would be an insult to her precious son’s body_ —and was forced to engage in all kinds of sexual acts with them. Some contracts were long and required months, so he had to find what made a woman **_tick_**. Every assassination had to be flawless. No specks of blood, no chaos. Every single one had to be **_quiet_** and **_smooth_**. Perfectly planned.

Other contracts involved important people from other countries. In preparation for this, he had private tutors that taught him various languages. If the target was a politician and the contract demanded infiltration, he hit the books and learned every political affiliation and history from said target.

He knew what made every person tick, and he was prepared for **_any_** situation.

Illumi was, quite simply, perfect.

But when he wasn’t forced to be focused on a job, he was… well… simple-minded.

Hisoka opted to laugh.

“No reason in particular. ♠”

Illumi nodded. He sipped his chocolate again, sighing. He enjoyed hot beverages. His lips curved into a very small smile, that looked quite awkward when considering his impossibly large eyes that consisted of two voids for pupils.

To Hisoka, he was quite pretty.

“I have a job tonight.” Illumi announced.

Hisoka, scouting the diner for their waiter to ask why their food was taking so long, hummed in acknowledgement.  

“I want to take you with me.” He sipped.

Hisoka’s eyebrows rose slightly, finding those two voids for eye-contact. “Oh? ♥” he smirked. 

“It’s in a warehouse. It belongs to a drug-lord that’s rising in narcotrafficking, so, as you can imagine,” he leaned on his right hand “the competition wants to squash him by taking out the drug source and his subordinates.”

“Hm. ♠” Hisoka imitated Illumi’s posture, lips curved in a coquettish smile. “That does sound fun, but it doesn’t seem to be anything you can’t handle. Is there any reason, in particular,” he rested his chin on both hands and leaned forward “to why you want me to be there with you? ♥”

“You’ve helped me keep an eye on Killu by your own volition.” He leaned back. “There will be a lot of people in that warehouse, possible Nen users too, that you can kill. I wanted to return the favour.”

“So,” Hisoka licked his lips. “as a token of your gratitude, you want to take me out on a date? ♠” he pestered.

Illumi blinked. “It’s not a date.”

“Is it not? ♥” he chuckled, hoping to annoy the eldest Zoldyck. “because it sounds like one. You and me together, at night…”

“How could it be a date?” Illumi inquired. “It’s on a filthy warehouse full of drugs and sweaty, uncomfortable people. That would be a horrible date.” His expression was blank.

“Oh,” Hisoka pursed his lips in annoyance over his attempts of jesting failing. “of course.” He pressed a hand to his chest, running fingers through his hair. “Well then, I would most enjoy accompanying you on this job, dear Illu. ♣”

The assassin nodded again. It was a cute gesture he performed when he had nothing to say.

Hisoka moaned and squinted his eyes in pleasure, anticipating the image of Illumi’s graceful moves in battle. Oh, how he'd **_love_** to fight him.

Illumi observed, from the corner of his eye, the disgusted expressions of other customers elicited by the gesture from the strange man in extravagant make-up and clothing.

He stared at the diner’s counter. “I wonder what’s taking so long.”

Hisoka interlaced his fingers, eyes squinted in a long smile. “I can’t wait for tonight. ♠”

“Hm?” Illumi looked back at him. “Me neither. It’s a boring contract, I want to get it over with quickly.”

Hisoka moaned again, the customers behind them looking back in disgust with widened eyes. Illumi found it amusing.

Oh, they were most **_definitely_** friends.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, I was asked to write a sequel, and now I have an idea for a full-work. Go figure! Lmao
> 
> By the way, any time I write Hisoka's squinting with a smile, or having a long smile, this is what I mean: http://tinyurl.com/y88rhruq , http://tinyurl.com/y7ax45rq  
> And when his eyes are closed and he smiles, I mean this cuteness: http://tinyurl.com/yb6tvc3j  
> And when he purses his lips in annoyance: http://tinyurl.com/yceoetpp
> 
> I just felt like providing that to help you visualise his expressions more easily (from last chapter, and this one).

Hisoka was flustered. A healthy shade of pink tinged his cheeks, his heart-rate was going back to normal, and his body stopped quivering. He just finished climaxing.

Seeing Illumi in action was too much to handle. He was right, there were various Nen users. They were _strong_. Stronger than average, at least. Illumi finished every single one of them in under a minute, and all Hisoka could do was observe. In a way, it was boring that Illumi chose to not fight them. He just killed them instantly. But that display of strength… it was enough to push Hisoka over the edge. Once he lost control, he slaughtered everyone that was left in a frenzied dance.

Kurapika once said that Hisoka impressed him with his beautiful, graceful technique. It’s only natural to wonder what he’d think of Illumi’s.

“Oh,” Hisoka drew Illumi’s attention, offering a long and satisfied smile. “you’re so pretty, Illu…” he wondered what the assassin would respond to that.

Illumi’s expression was blank. He moved a strand of hair behind his ear, eyeing Hisoka from head to toe. Hisoka smirked cockily over his attention, and licked the blood off one of his cards.

“And you’re quite curvy.” Illumi noted casually, turning his back to Hisoka.

Hisoka wondered if that was a good thing. Of course it was, Hisoka knew he was gorgeous.

“Hm?” he swayed his hips. “That’s so flattering! ♠” he swiveled his hand and made the card disappear.

Illumi clicked his transmitter.

Seconds passed.

“Yes, it’s me. It’s done.”

Illumi nodded to the response of whomever the recipient was.

“Tell him to wire the rest of the money to my account.”

The call was cut off and the Zoldyck put the transmitter back in his pocket. He gave Hisoka a backwards glance and bent his elbow to stretch his arm back and forth. “We’re done here. You can leave.”

Hisoka, hand on his hip, responded “So soon? But it’s date night. ♥”

“I told you it wasn’t a date.” Illumi walked towards the exit.

Hisoka paced to Illumi’s side, leaning over to his face. “It is to me. ♣”

“You have quite the strange definition for a date. I don’t see how this repugnant place could be, in any way, suitable for one.”

“Oh, Illu! ♥” Hisoka squinted his eyes in a smile. “You wouldn’t know. You don’t go out on dates. ♦”

Illumi eyed Hisoka from the corner of his eye, wondering why he hadn’t left yet. “I don’t need to go out on dates to know what happened tonight wasn’t one.” _Why does he keep bringing up dates?_

Hisoka chuckled. “By the way… thank you. ♥”

“Hm?” Illumi opened the exit and walked out, Hisoka following. “You’re welcome, but I only did it to pay you back.”

Hisoka’s shoulders shook in laughter. “I guess that for the job too, but I meant thank you for calling me curvy. ♠”

“I wasn’t aware that was a good thing.”

“Oh, Illu, you act so oblivious. It’s cute. ♦”

“You’re rather odd.” Illumi pointed out the obvious, observing the sky. He wasn’t sure why he was still making conversation, rather than returning home immediately. He never lingered after a job.

“Oh?” Hisoka stared, as though his gaze would make Illumi return the gesture. “How come? ♠”

“You have an intimidating presence to the naked eye, but it seems you’re quite childish. If someone who didn’t know who you were interacted with you for a prolonged period, they’d most likely believe you’re a harmless, flamboyant circus lover and nothing more.” He now turned his head to look at Hisoka. “Flamboyant, weird, but harmless nevertheless.”

Hisoka’s lips parted. He wasn’t expecting that response. Did this remark, even if insignificant, put the assassin in a vulnerable position? Was he **_opening_** up?

“I suppose that’s an intelligent disguise, yes?” Illumi looked back up at the sky. “It must be pleasurable to make someone believe you’re weak, then sink your fangs in their throat to have the last laugh.”

Now, he was quite talkative, wasn’t he? Hisoka couldn’t help but remember the moments when someone from the Troupe would make a small observation, and Chrollo would end up talking to himself—pondering philosophically. Was his dear assassin doing the same?

“Or not.” Illumi tapped his chin with an index finger, reconsidering his position. “Everyone feared you in the Hunter Exam.”

Hisoka’s lips were still parted. The pestering magician who always had too **_much_** to say, had nothing to say at all.

“My dear Illumi,” Hisoka grinned “are you complimenting me? ♥”

Illumi looked at him, puzzled. “Huh?”

Hisoka’s grin reverted. “Huh?” he responded, suddenly puzzled as well.

“Oh,” Illumi blinked. “I wasn’t aware. I was simply making a small personality analysis, or an observation.” He looked back up at the sky.

Hisoka, who realised Illumi had performed this action three times now, looked up as well, wondering what the big deal was.

And it was beautiful. There was no light pollution at all, every star was crystal clear in the sky. Because of their massive strength, it was easy to forget they were still minuscule in comparison to the planet. The world, the universe was **_infinitely_** larger than they were.

“I’m going home now.” Illumi announced, walking away.

“Wait!” Hisoka called.

Illumi stopped in his heel and cast a backwards glance to Hisoka.

“It’s still early. Wouldn’t you like to do something?”

Illumi didn’t hesitate. “No.” he resumed his step.

“We could dine.” Hisoka insisted. "Watch a film."

“My contract is done. I have no reason to be out here anymore.”

And just like that, he disappeared into the night, leaving the magician behind.

Hisoka looked up again and smiled. “Hm. Interesting. ♦”


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Illumi is a beautiful big brother ♥

Kalluto was on all fours, gasping for air. A drop of sweat rolled down his nose, and the quivering from his arms matched the rhythm of his panting. He squeezed his eyes shut and brought a hand to his chest, as if to soothe his speeding heartrate.

“I-I can keep going!” his voice broke. “A-aniki!”

Illumi crouched and placed a hand on the boy’s back. He stroked it, from the nape of his neck down to his spine. “That will be enough, Kallu.”

The youngest Zoldyck opened his eyes, attempting to seek his brother’s in midst of his blurry vision. “I can continue!” he begged. “I sw—"

“Kalluto,” Illumi called sternly this time, interrupting the boy before he could continue reproaching. “that’s enough.”

The younger boy hung his head in defeat, staring at the puddle of sweat on the floor. His arms stopped trembling, but drips of sweat continued to roll down his nose, leaking to the puddle with an audible splash.

He sat on his knees and dropped his arms to his sides, producing a loud sigh. “I’m sorry.” He muttered, too ashamed to look at his older brother.

Illumi grabbed a fistful of his hair and pulled Kalluto towards him in an awkward hug. “We’ll continue tomorrow.”

Kalluto’s expression of defeat stirred something in Illumi. He understood what the boy was thinking. “Kalluto,” he drew his attention. “it’s okay. You will get better.”

“But Killua’s already ahead of me, and you said he learned all of this in a month or something in Heaven's Arena.”

Illumi helped him get up. “Do not compare yourself to Killu.” He pulled his sleeve down and wiped the sweat off the boy’s face, cupping his chin with his free hand. “Everyone learns at their own pace, but some people have higher natural skill levels. Killua happens to be one of them, hence why he’s meant to be head of the family in the future.”

He crouched again, placing his hands on the boy’s shoulders. “This should not demotivate you in any way. You have immense potential, and you are learning at an alarming pace. You will be a Nen expert in no time.” Kalluto grinned at this. “However, your mental state is a pivotal element to your training. Should you continue comparing Killua’s progress to your own, you will hinder your training. In other words, you will waver your development dramatically. You will not improve.” He cupped his cheek as an act of comfort. “So, focus on your growth, and how you can use your strength for the family. Am I clear?”

Kalluto’s grin did not budge. “Yes, aniki.”

“Good.” Illumi stood. “Now, go shower to wash-up for lunch.” He demanded.

Before Kalluto complied, he wrapped his arms around the eldest Zoldyck’s waist, his grip tightening immensely seconds later. Had Illumi been a normal person, his hipbone would have been crushed.

Illumi tapped his shoulder, signaling him to stop. “Don’t waste any more time. You know how Mother gets.” He jested.

Kalluto laughed, and bolted out of the training room.   

Illumi was frozen in place. Kalluto’s act of affection reminded him of the days when he trained Killua, and how affectionate the boy was with him. The days when Illumi revolved around his little world, and the highlight of his day was training with him—no matter how strenuous and torturous it was.

He missed those days terribly.

He felt a vibration in his pocket. He pulled out his phone, pressing the home button to see the notification.

H. (14:32 P.M.):  
_Lunch?_ _♣_

Illumi blinked twice at the message. Should he respond? Of course his answer will be no, he eats lunch with his family when no one is out on a job. But if he answers now, would that make him seem too eager? He should perhaps wait before replying. But what if he forgets and never replies?

Then again, Hisoka does know that Illumi’s attentive to his phone. What if replying later rather than now gives Hisoka the impression he didn’t want to seem desperate, which is why he waited before replying?

A minute passed, and Illumi still didn’t know what to do.

Ah, to hell with it. He unlocked the phone.

_No. I’m about to eat with my family._

He stuck his phone in his pocket again, ready to head to his room to shower. His phone buzzed immediately.

It appears Illumi’s not the only one attentive to his phone.

H. (14:33 P.M.):  
_Dinner?_ _♥_

Illumi wiggled his thumbs before texting back.

_?? No._

_Cinema?_ _♥_

_No._

_Mm, playing hard to get? I can dig that. ♦_

_Hisoka, unless it’s related to a job, don’t text me._

_Oh? But I’m lonely. ♣  
_

_Don’t you have other toys to play with?_

_My, my! Others? Did you just call yourself a toy? ♠  
_

Illumi immediately caught the problem with his phrasing. _Shit._ He thought. He could either play it off, or get caught in Hisoka’s web by refuting. He’ll choose the former.

_Misphrased that._

_Mm, a silly mistake. But you’re still perfect to me._ _♥_

Illumi rose a brow. _Excuse you?_

 _What? Are you not a perfect Zoldyck?_ ♠

_I don’t understand what you’re doing right now._

_Why, I’m texting with a friend, of course! ♦_

_You’re not my friend._

_Well, I happen to consider you a friend, my dear Illumi._ ♠

_Well, I don’t._

_Yes, you said that already. ♦_

_I felt the need to repeat it._

_Mm, wanted to pour salt into my wounds? You sure are cold._ ♠

Illumi, immersed in the conversation, did not notice his lips were curved into the faintest smile.

_Well, I am an assassin._

_And you very much assassinated my heart. How cold of you. I could have sworn we were friends... ♥_

_Unfortunate._

_There will be a meteor shower tonight._ ♣

Illumi blinked at the sudden change of topic. _Okay._

_I would very much enjoy your company when that happens._

The assassin could not help but feel a genuine tone of seriousness due to the lack of emoticons. That part did not exude playfulness, it felt **_serious_**.

_Why me? Find someone else._

_Mm, because I thought you might enjoy it. After all, you were so engrossed in watching the sky the other night, I figured you would be an astrophile._

Illumi swallowed. He was tempted to say yes. He could easily watch the occurrence from the Zoldyck manor, but the idea of seeing it with someone… it sounded alluring.

It sounded homely.

 _Thank you, but no. I’m not interested._ Illumi lied.

_How much do you want?_

_What?_

_I’ll pay you. How much do you want?_

_You’ll pay me to watch a meteor shower with you? I’m sure you can find someone to do that with you for free._

Illumi didn’t realise he just complimented the extravagant magician.

_True, but I want to see it with you._

This time, Illumi did not reply immediately. He stood there, pondering for two minutes whether he should hang-out with Hisoka tonight.

_Illu?_

_I won’t take advantage of your desperation. If you want it that bad, I’ll go. I don’t have a job tonight anyway._

Unbeknownst to Illumi, Hisoka grinned widely at this.

 _Mm! It’s a date!_ _♥_

_I changed my mind._

_It is not a date! ♥_

Illumi laughed mentally.

_I changed my mind again._

_Let’s meet at the usual diner. 9 P.M.? ♣_

_Works for me._

_I will see you then. Illu._

_Okay. Hisoka._

He stared at his phone for a minute, waiting for Hisoka to say something else. Though he didn’t understand why, he wanted the conversation to continue. What was this?

What was this feeling in the pit of his stomach?

He looked at the time, and jolted when realising he had spent over fifteen minutes chatting with Hisoka. He needed to get ready for lunch, **_now_** , otherwise, Kikyo would give him an earful.

He bolted towards his room.


	4. Illumi's x Conflict

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It could be argued that Illumi is acting OOC here, but I like to think that he's very sensitive when it comes to his siblings. Unfortunately, when you write a work when someone like Illumi, who has very little screen-time and we have very little information of, is the "protagonist", I feel you must head-canon a lot.
> 
> And this is how I see Illumi. Conflicted, and emotional when it comes to his family, particularly his siblings.
> 
> I hope you enjoy the chapter!

Illumi looked up, eyes closed, feeling the warmth of the water pour down his face; steam engulfing the shower. He sighed.

Images of little Killua, running towards the gate with arms wide open, to receive Illumi after every mission, flashed through his head. Of how he’d hold his hand and make him run to the playground where he played with Alluka, to show off the sandcastles they’d built.

Alluka.

He thought about Alluka often. She always welcomed him with open arms and glistening eyes, joyful to see him, just as little Killua. And then, her true nature surfaced. She’s been locked away since.

It broke his heart, and nobody knew it. And nobody ever would, because the one and only time Illumi suggested it was cruel to isolate such a young family member, and that they should seek alternatives to control her power, he was tortured for weeks, until the idea of Alluka not being family was “drilled” in his head.

Being a manipulator, however, it was quite difficult to reshape his ideals from the root. While he would militantly obey his parents, it was impossible to redefine him and change what he **_really_** thought and felt. No amount of torture could change what he believed in his heart, but it could force him to steer on the opposite direction of his feelings.

This upset him. Thinking about Alluka upset him. Thinking about his true emotions upset him, so he halted his wandering mind. He rarely thought about his feelings, as it would sprout conflict in him, and he didn’t need that. All he needed was to be the perfect son, and do what he was told. As always.

He grabbed his favourite vanilla blueberry body-wash from the shower basket, and slathered it across his pale skin, paying special attention to his pectorals and muscular stomach.

He leaned forward, resting his head against the wall. What was Killua doing right now? He was, obviously, with that boy Gon. His friend. The friend that defied **_him_** , the eldest Zoldyck son, for Killua’s sake.

The boy that opened the testing gates, and defied everyone in his path, for Killua’s sake.

Illumi admired him, and it frustrated him to no end how he couldn’t hate the boy.

He shut off the water valve, and hesitated before running fingers through his hair, then squeezed individual sections gently to drain the water without damaging it. His raven mane was, after all, an incredible attribute. Both clients and targets alike **_adored_** it, as did his family, particularly Kikyo.

Illumi wasn’t a fan, though. He liked his hair short, it was easy to keep and it looked good. Having long hair was strenuous work, and while the final result was quite worthwhile, he still preferred short hair.

The only reason he kept it this long is because Killua loved it as a child. He’d always run fingers through his big brother’s mane, in absolute awe over its softness. He’d often style it with Alluka in strange hairdos, which made Illumi cringe, but both the little girl and boy alike found it endearing.

Illumi loved them, so he kept it that way, and has kept it that way ever since.

He grabbed a towel from the rack and dried his lithe, pale body, then wrapped it around his waist. He grabbed another towel and blotted his hair, squeezing it to compress the water. He placed the towel on the toilet seat and put his hair up on a messy-bun with a hair-claw.

He headed for the door, but stopped on his heel when noticing his reflection in the mirror. He looked at himself, and took in his features.

Tall. Pale. Huge, black eyes. Black hair. Slender yet muscular body.

As he observed himself, he recalled the times the targets he had to sleep with would compliment him, in complete awe over how “perfect” he was. They said he was “ _beautiful.”_

He cupped his chin and turned his head. _Am I beautiful? When I come to think of it, I don’t even know what I am._

He brought his arm to his side, his free hand still holding the towel. He made his way to his room to get dressed.

Since he did not have a job today, he was free to wear what he wanted. He applied deodorant, and body lotion. He scoured through his closet and picked a Dragon Ball Z hoodie, his favourite black jeans, and white air-max.  

A strange choice of fashion for an assassin, Hisoka would say. But then again, when he wasn’t gracefully murdering people, Illumi **_was_** a normal young man. Except he didn’t go out anywhere and spent **_all_** day at home, but still. Normal.

There was a knock on the door.

“Yes?” Illumi responded, bending as he dried his hair for the last time.

“Master Illumi, lunch will be ready in five minutes.” One of the butler’s responded.

“Thank you.”

He grabbed his phone from the night-stand. He was hoping there would be a notification.

There wasn’t.

_I really do wonder what Killu’s doing…_

He sighed, burying any type of thought that lurked in the corner of his mind. He had to look unfazed and emotionless. He ruffled his hair, then let it slide all the way down to his back.

He made his way to the dining room. The butlers bowed their heads. “Master Illumi.”

He nodded.

Unsurprisingly, everyone was already there. Illumi was usually the last one to arrive. He looked at Killua’s empty seat, then the spot where Alluka’s toddler chair once resided. He clenched his jaw.

“Illumi, dear!” Kikyo greeted him.

“Hello, mother.” He bent and placed a kiss on her cheek.

He looked at Zeno and Silva, and bowed. Zeno smiled at him warmly.

He walked past Milluki, who was happy to see him, but too embarrassed to greet him. They hadn’t seen each other in a while.

He sat on his spot, next to Kalluto.

Everyone waited. Then, the clock marked 15:00 P.M. Now they could eat.

“Illumi.” His father drew his attention.

He looked at him, holding his fork to his mouth, waiting for Silva to continue.

“How was Kalluto’s training?”

He put the fork down. “He’s advancing at a respectable speed. Ten and Zetsu are perfect. I’m focusing on improving his Ren, that way he can use Gyo more naturally during battle, should he need to.” He noticed Kalluto gripping the table cloth, most likely due to nervousness. Illumi subtly offered his free hand as an act of comfort, which the latter held in a heart-beat. “At this point, it’s only a matter of polishing his ability to prolong Ren, so we can move on to Hatsu and create his ability.” He stated plain-and-simple.

“Excellent,” Silva approved, wiping the corners of his mouth with a napkin. “he’s advancing faster than anticipated.”

 _Not fast enough,_ Kalluto thought.

“Good work to the two of you.” He smiled.

Kalluto’s lips parted in both surprise and relief. “T-thank you, father.” He squeezed Illumi’s hand, the latter stroking the boy’s thumb with his own.

Illumi let go to grab his drink.

“Isn’t Illumi-chan a superb teacher, Kalluto?” remarked Zeno.

The boy looked at his plate shyly, his lips curved into a small smile. “Yes, jii-chan.”

Illumi felt a strange sensation in his chest.

They resumed their meal in silence, but Illumi held surprise in when feeling his pocket vibrate. This was his personal phone, and only three people could reach it: a) Hisoka, b) Killua and c) Chrollo.

Naturally, the needy brother in him always wished for the caller to be Killua. However, he can’t say he would hate if it were Hisoka right now.

* * *

While the rest of the family scurried away to their desired places once lunch was over, Illumi dwelled on the living room. He walked around it, hands stuck in his pockets, observing the large book-shelves. The text had been from Hisoka, who asked if they could meet sooner, at 7 P.M, to which the Zoldyck agreed.

Until then, he wanted to kill time. He heard clinking beside him, and turned his head to see. It was Amane, one of the butlers, carrying a tray with various plates and glasses. He asked a question to which the answer he already had.

“Who’s that for?” he inquired.

Amane, not expecting him to be there, bowed immediately. “Master Illumi.” She looked at him, nervousness brewing in the pit of her stomach. While the butlers highly respected every family member, a lot of them felt a particular, indescribable feeling towards Illumi. Was it respect? Was it fear?

“This is for Alluka, Illumi-sama.”

“Master Alluka.” Illumi muttered, the butler unable to catch what he said.

“Please forgive me for the rudeness, Master Illumi… but I was unable to hear that. Could you—”

“It was nothing.” He walked towards her, making the butler perk up. “Give me that.”

“M-master Illumi?”

“I’ll deliver this to her.”

“M-master Illumi, please, it’s—”

“I said” he grabbed the tray. “I’ll deliver it to her.” His tone was stern, though it wasn’t meant to intimidate. He clenched his jaw. “Allow me, Amane.”

She hesitated. It felt absolutely wrong to have one of the Masters do a butler’s task, no matter how simple or mundane. She was about to reproach and take the tray back, uncaring about the consequences, refusing to let him to a chore. However, the assassin interjected before she could do so.

“If you are afraid someone will be suspicious or that you might be punished, you may accompany me. However, I shall be the only one entering Alluka’s room. Am I clear?” he held the tray close to him.

“Yes, Master Illumi.” She bowed her head.

They walked around the house down to the cellar door, which led to the underground level of the house, where the electricity, temperature and poison training dungeons were located. Deep within the bowels was Alluka's room, protected by five safety vaults. Amane entered the ten-digit password on each one, and they reached their destination. Illumi hesitated before entering. He handed the tray to Amane. “Hold this for a moment.”

She complied, “Yes.” bowing her head.

He placed his hand on the handle, and waited five seconds before opening, holding his breath while the duration.

He pushed the door open silently.

The girl lay on her bed, various stuffed animals surrounded her tiny frame. Several drawings scattered around the floor. Illumi quickly examined them, and found that many of them involved three people standing over a playground. One of them was tall and fashioned a blue jacket, black pants. He had short and black hair, layered down his forehead. The other two were much smaller. One was a boy, the other a girl.

Clearly, it was meant to be a drawing of Alluka, Killua and Illumi—back when they would spend time together in their favourite place: the Zoldyck playground.

He frowned.

He wondered why the girl hadn’t noticed him, since he wasn’t using Zetsu or even Nen at all. Then he recalled she was just a normal girl who never underwent assassin training, therefore, she’d never be able to notice Illumi unless he made his presence known.

He knocked on the wall.

The girl slowly sat up, rubbing her eye with the back of her hand. Her eyes widened immensely at the visitor, and she gripped her skirt tightly as she grinned and produced a loud “ _ah._ ”

“Illu-ni!” she jolted, bolting out of the bed, speeding towards her older brother.

He had not seen Alluka face-to-face in three years.

The girl jumped, hugging the young man’s abdomen as tightly as she could. She rested her chin on his stomach, looking up at him. “You’re here!” she yelped with glistening eyes.

Illumi’s eyes were widened. He was frozen in place, and did not know what to do.

“Nii-chan?” her smile reverted to a small “o”.

And for the first time in three years, Illumi smiled.

He petted her head, “Yes, I am.” tone gentle.

Her smile grew back. She pressed her cheek against him. “I’ve missed you, Illu-ni!”

“I know.” he muttered. “So have I, Allu-chan.”

“Is onii-chan coming too?” she asked hopefully.

Illumi frowned, since she was referring to Killua. Killua was “ _onii-chan”,_ while Illumi was either “ _Illu-ni”,_ or _“nii-chan.”_

“No, Allu.” Her smile reverted, curious expression on her face. “Killu’s… not here.” He stroked her hair. “But he wishes to see you, he simply cannot right now.”

“Oh.” She smiled sadly. “But he does want to see me?”

“Of course.” Illumi comforted.

That was enough to fill Alluka with joy. Illumi’s heart broke over how her compassionate, cheerful demeanor did not budge, even after being isolated for so long.

_I must find a way…_

He gently unwrapped her arms from him, and he crouched to level their heads. “Allu,” He cupped her face. “I can’t be here for too long.”

She blinked.

“There are a lot of things going on in our family,” he half-lied. “which is why you must be here. It’s for your own safety, do you understand this?” he stroked her cheek with his thumb.

She nodded, even though she didn’t understand at all.

“Onii-chan and Illu-ni care very much about you.” He clenched his jaw, a foreign sensation forming in the pit of his stomach and chest.

She smiled. “I know!”

“Now,” he stood up. He opened the door, muttering Amane’s name to fetch the tray from her. To any normal person, she would look emotionless. But to Illumi, the distress on her face was evident.

He ignored it, grabbed the tray and went back in. “it’s lunch time. So, eat.” He placed the tray on her drawing table.

Right under it, he caught a glimpse of a stack of papers.

“Allu, is it okay if I see those?” he asked, pointing at the stack as the girl sat down to eat.

She nodded enthusiastically.

He crouched and skimmed through the papers. They were incredible drawings. Naturally, since she had all the time in the world, Alluka was able to polish her artistic talents immensely. However, this did not deter Illumi from being absolutely flabbergasted.

“These are quite incredible, Allu.” He ruffled her hair.

She munched on her food furiously, “thank you, nii-chan!” accidentally spitting on Illumi’s face. She apologised profusely, but he wiped his cheek with his thumb. He smiled, much to Alluka’s relief.

He went back to the much less impressive drawings he first saw on his way in. He observed them, and found one in particular that stirred something in him. He picked it up delicately, as though the slightest movement would set it ablaze.

“Can I keep this?” he cast a backwards glance to her.

She nodded, chewing her food.

“I have to go now.” He announced abruptly, making the girl stop chewing and perk up. If Kikyo or Silva found out he was here, the consequences would be great. While he didn’t want to leave, the best course of action was to get the hell out. He already took a massive risk just by coming here without second thought.

There’s still much he wanted to discuss with Alluka. For one, Nanika hadn’t surfaced so far. This arose massive interest in Illumi. He wondered if Alluka had gained any sort of control over the entity.

He wanted to save her. From both their family and Nanika.

The look on his little sister's face devastated him. He folded the drawing and hid it in his hoodie’s pocket. He walked towards her and crouched, gently holding the nape of her neck. He pulled her in for a hug, and kissed her forehead.

“I will attempt to return sometime soon. I promise.” He smiled.

Still, the rare occurrence that was Illumi's smile was not enough to make her smile back. “Okay.” She feigned optimism.

Seconds passed.

She abruptly threw her fork away, and jumped on Illumi, wrapping her arms around him. She hid her face on the crook of his neck.

He stroked her back, his fingers delicately spreading and retracting. “Goodbye.”

He stood up and left quickly, before his heart gave in. He looked back at her before walking out the door.

She waved at him, eyes closed and a huge grin.

He waved back, and left, locking the door.

Alluka grabbed her fork again, and stared at the plate with a smile. Her jaw quivered, eyes stinging. She felt indescribable emptiness in her heart, but continued smiling to cheer herself up.

She was alone again.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> LOONG CHAPTER, kind of. All HisoIllu, though!
> 
> This is what Hisoka's wearing: 
> 
> http://tinyurl.com/yc7temut  
> http://tinyurl.com/yba7usz7
> 
> He's so beautiful. ♥

Illumi stopped in his heel for a couple of seconds. He had to squint his eyes, to evaluate if the redhead that looked from side to side every now and then, leaning against the diner’s window, was Hisoka. His mouth formed a small “o”.

It really was.

He stuck his hands in his pockets, and approached him.

“Hisoka.” He called, halfway to the diner.

The redhead perked up, and looked at the direction the voice came from. He smiled as the assassin walked towards him.

“Illu ♥!”

The Zoldyck stopped, now face-to-face with the magician. He subtly scanned him from head-to-toe, even though he had already done that when walking to him.

Hisoka was fashioning a teal cardigan, grey sweater underneath it, khaki pants, and a sage coloured scarf. His hair was layered down, and he wore no make-up.

“So,” Illumi broke the silence. “I take it you’re cold tonight.”

Hisoka’s shoulders shook in laughter. “I have no idea how you could tell. ♠”

Now it was the magician’s turn to eye the assassin. He fashioned the same clothing from lunch. His smile stretched.

“Eh?” Illumi inquired, noticing Hisoka’s foraging eyes.

“You’re looking lovely. You have an interesting fashion sense for an assassin, I must say. ♦”

“As do you.” Illumi replied. “You’re like a rainbow with all those colours on you.”

Hisoka was expecting the assassin to mention how he wasn’t wearing make-up, how his hair was down, or how he wasn’t dressed the way Illumi complained about days prior. Well, he was disappointed.

“Are we going to see the meteor shower here?” Illumi asked, knowing that a city was the worst place to see such an event due to the light pollution.

“Oh, you offend me, Illu. I’m not so cheap! ♠” he ran fingers through his hair, cheeky smile on his face. “I have a very nice night planned for us, you see. ♥”

“I understand.” Illumi replied. He enjoyed the way Hisoka looked right now. “I suppose I’ll allow you to lead the way.”

“Oh?” Hisoka brought his fist to his mouth, chuckling. “So, you’re a sub? ♦”

“What?” the assassin didn’t understand what he meant.

“Nothing.” Hisoka waved his hand with a grin, shrugging off his previous statement. If he had to explain the joke, it would obviously lose the point. “Come on, Pacific Park is nearby. The meteor shower shouldn’t hit until midnight. ♣”

“What?” Illumi repeated.

Hisoka cast a backwards glance.

“That’s five hours, Hisoka. Why couldn’t we have met at nine as originally planned? Or ten?”

Hisoka’s eye threatened to twitch. “I told you, Illu,” he smiled “I have a nice night planned for us. ♥”

Illumi blinked at him.

“Will you trust me? ♠”

“I’m hungry.” The assassin announced. “I skipped supper because of this, so food better be in your plans.”

Hisoka moaned, drawing the attention of people walking near-by. A mother tightened the grip on her daughter’s hand, walking faster to get away from the odd redhead.

“Um.” Illumi muttered.

Hisoka placed a hand on his chest. “You skipped supper for **_me_**?” He squinted his eyes in a long smile.

“I suppose so, yes.”

“Oh, Illu… ♥”

Illumi’s sight wandered, from side to side, eyeing every person walking past them. Two pedestrians, in particular, ogled Hisoka as if he were disgusting. For some reason, this upset Illumi.

“Are we leaving or not?” he asked.

“Yes, of course! ♥” Hisoka led the way.

Illumi followed. They walked for various minutes, city lights gleaming their faces. They walked past people, pets, bars with neon signs—and during the entire trip, Illumi could see Hisoka talking.

He talked, and talked. He swirled his body, looked back at Illumi; always fashioning that cheeky smile.

The Zoldyck followed Hisoka mindlessly, but he was, quite frankly, not listening to him. 

Then, they reached their destination. Pacific Park.

It was an amusement park located on the coast. It wasn’t large, but it was cozy, and housed very entertaining attractions. The most visually appealing ones, or, in other words, the first you would notice immediately, were the neon-lighted roller-coaster that whirled the park, and the Ferris wheel that sentineled the ocean.

Hisoka was about to do a spectacular, charming introduction to the park, but Illumi beat him to it and spoke up first.

“Are we going to eat here?” Illumi asked.

Frankly, Hisoka wasn’t planning on taking Illumi to dine until ten. His original plan was to spend time together at the amusement park, ride some attractions, chat, attend one of the stage shows, to then dine at one of Illumi’s favourite restaurants. The final act of the night would be the meteor shower, which they would see on a lake five-miles from here.

He figured that, being isolated from the world as a child, Illumi was never taken to places like this. He thought it’d be interesting for the lonely assassin to experience it.

“Yes! ♥” Hisoka responded with pride. “But” he emphasised, “not dinner per se, because first—"

“I don’t like this place.” Illumi decided.

“Sorry?” Hisoka didn’t appreciate being interrupted.

“I don’t want to eat here. What was the plan? To eat, then ride something? I would get nauseous. Or to ride something, then eat? I don’t see the fun. This is not a nice place to eat. I would’ve much preferred a restaurant.”

Hisoka felt offended over Illumi’s critiquing of his plan. Why couldn’t the assassin not be dense for once, and allow things to flow?

“Now, Illu, don’t be impatient!” he rose a hand. “We will dine, at Mirazur to be precise. However, the reservation is at ten, and don’t you agree it would be fun to do something else first? This is a spectacular place! ♠”

The assassin looked around. “I don’t see the big deal.” He lied. The place looked gorgeous, and he enjoyed the visually appealing night-lights.

Hisoka bolted towards Illumi, positioning himself behind him. He gently grabbed his shoulders. “There’s a lot to do! There are these rides,” he pointed to the rollercoaster and Ferris wheel, then a pirate ship on the far left. “there’s a shooting range.” He pointed to the distant right. “There are stage-shows up ahead.” he pointed to the front.

He rested both hands on Illumi’s right shoulder, and leaned his chin on them. “It will be fun. I promise. ♥” He smiled.

Illumi pierced him with his large, black eyes, devoid of any emotion. He wondered why Hisoka was so close to his face. “Okay.”

“Good! ♦” Hisoka clapped once. “Let me give you a tour, shall we? But,” he rose a finger. “let’s get ice-cream first.”

Illumi’s eyebrows rose. “Ice-cream?”

“Yes. ♥”

“I am okay with that.” Illumi approved.

He loved sweets. Being thoroughly denied them as a child, he developed an itching need to consume them often. He would take advantage of this.

They approached one of the ice-cream stands. It was massive. There were several people in-line, and Illumi wished he could stick his needles in them to make them leave.

By the way the assassin observed them, Hisoka was able to deduce, immediately, his intentions. He smiled.

Suddenly, Illumi felt a gentle touch on his wrist. He looked to his left, where Hisoka stood.

“Now, now, Illu… don’t try anything funny. We’re in public. ♠”

“Who are you to say that? You moan in public all the time.”

“Mm, but that’s not the same as trying to kill people. ♣”

How ironic of Hisoka, of all people, to say such a thing.

“I wasn’t planning on killing them.” Illumi muttered. “Just make them leave.”

The magician grazed his thumb over the assassin’s wrist, much to the latter’s discomfort. “You are **_very_** lucky to have me.” Hisoka stated proudly. “Don’t fear, Illu, I will teach you how to behave in public. ♠”

“Excuse you?” Illumi interjected. “I very well know how to behave in public. Who are you to—” he stopped in his tracks.

Hisoka narrowed his eyes with a long smile.

_He’s just trying to rile you up. It takes two to tango._

“You are correct.” Illumi looked forward.

“Ah?” Hisoka’s smile reverted, puzzled.

“Yes.” Illumi responded, not making any sense.

Hisoka opened his mouth to say something, but his dense friend interjected.

“I will have three scoops, all different flavours.” He announced. “What will you have?” he looked at Hisoka.

Oh, this man was **_so_** endearing. Hisoka could barely contain himself.

“Oh, Illu… ♥” his smile stretched.

“Hello.” The female cashier greeted.

“Oh, hello.” Hisoka boldly leaned forward, resting his elbows on the counter. He bore a coquettish smile. “a banana split, no whipped cream. I want almonds for a topping. Please do sprinkle them everywhere.”

Illumi caught the flustered look on the young cashier’s face. He supposed she wasn’t used to having such a charismatic, bold customer.

“And you, sir?” she looked at the assassin. His impossibly large, black eyes made her feel uneasy. He was quite attractive, but she’d rather look at the redhead that bore a much more inviting expression.

“I want a large ice-cream cone, three scoops. Two cookies and cream, one Neapolitan.”  

The cashier nodded, smiling. She announced the price, and Illumi sought his wallet to pay for his snack.

Hisoka stopped him in his tracks. “How silly of me! ♠” he slapped his forehead. “Did I not mention I would be the one to pay, Illu ♥?”

While his intention was to be the same, old-fashioned quirky Hisoka, the cashier couldn’t help but believe these two were a couple.

Illumi, as expressionless as ever, “No, thanks, Hisoka. I’ll pay for my own.” He was about to hand the money, but Hisoka held his hand and pulled it down.

“I insist. ♥” He purred.

That tone **_definitely_** stirred something strange in Illumi’s belly. Hisoka was weird…

“Oh, well.” Illumi shrugged, getting off the line. If he had free ice-cream, better for him.

He walked towards one of the nearest attractions. His eye shifted from the ride to the sign. It was called “ _King’s Dominion_ ”, a 305 foot drop-tower with a 72mph descent.

Currently, people were mounting the ride. It would begin shortly.

He felt a tap on his shoulder. He turned, and it was Hisoka, offering his ice-cream cone.

“Thanks.” Illumi muttered, eyes shifting back to the ride.

Hisoka noticed something curious. The more time passed, the more Illumi’s guard eased. Right now, he was alert enough to anticipate any sort of danger, but he was relaxed enough to enjoy his surroundings.

In fact, he was so relaxed, he didn’t notice the way Hisoka was looking at him. He was fascinated, taking small spoons of his banana split.

He wasn’t paying attention to the crazy night-lights, the people screaming in near-by rides, or the people walking past them. His attention was, irrefutably, focused on no one but Illumi and Illumi alone.

The ride was about to commence. Illumi leaned forward in expectance.

“Illu,” Hisoka chuckled. “you haven’t tasted your ice-cream.”

“Yes.” Illumi responded, not having listened to the magician at all.

The tower was going up. He could see the people getting smaller and smaller, some wiggling their legs.

His lips were parted, eager to find out what would happen next.

Hisoka, still, fixated his eyes on him.

The tower stopped. Faint _“yeah”s_ and _“wooh”s_ could be heard from above.

Illumi quickly took a bite of his ice-cream, as to not miss a single second of what was about to occur. He licked his lips.

Hisoka was dying.

Then, screaming ensued. The tower dropped, and all Illumi could see was hands and feet wiggling in the air.

The ride stopped midway. The fascinated assassin gasped quietly.

Then, it went back up.

“Oh!” Illumi uttered, surprised.

It went back down. The motion was repeated three times, until the ride finally dropped for the last time, stopping. The riders unbuckled their belts, and ran to the exit, some quite tipsy.

Hisoka loved how disbelieving Illumi looked. In a way, he couldn’t understand how Illumi had never seen something like this before.

Illumi finally noticed the way Hisoka stared at him. He turned to look at him. “What?”

“Nothing.” He smiled, taking a spoonful of his banana split. “you simply haven’t eaten your ice-cream yet. ♣”

“I took a bite.” Illumi refuted.

“Yes, but that’s not eating it. ♠” Hisoka repositioned his scarf. “It’s melting! ♥”

“Oh, yes.” Illumi agreed, looking at drops run down the cone. He licked the ice-cream, from the second scoop to the third. “That is very good.” He concluded.

“Yes, I can see… ♥” he hoped Illumi would continue doing such a gesture.

Illumi’s nose tickled. He inhaled, then sneezed gracefully. Hisoka couldn’t believe how he could look perfect doing even that. He felt something cold hit his shoes, and that’s when he saw Illumi’s ice-cream. The sudden movement made the scoops drop from the cone.

Illumi eyed it, and blinked. “Oh, no.” he stated, in the most monotone voice possible, although unconsciously. He really was bummed his ice-cream fell.

It was rather amusing to Hisoka how Illumi’s monotone, emotionless voice betrayed his words of despair. “That’s okay.” He shook off his feet, ignoring what just happened. “I can get you another one. ♦”

“No, but thanks.” Illumi announced, throwing the cone in the stand’s trashcan. “I would like to ride something now.”

 _Ride me._ Hisoka thought. “Mm. Would you like to ride that one? ♥” he pointed at the drop-tower they just observed.

“I believe so, yes.”

“Okay.” Hisoka grabbed a large spoonful of his ice-cream, and offered it to Illumi. ”Here! ♥”

Illumi stared for a couple of seconds. “What are you doing?”

“Hm? I’m offering you a spoonful of my ice-cream. ♣”

“Yes, I can see.” Illumi looked at the spoon. “But why?” his eyes shifted back to the redhead.

“It’s ice-cream, Illu. You dropped yours, and sharing is caring. Why wouldn’t you want it ♥?” he chuckled.

Illumi blinked at him.

“It’s not poisoned… ♠”

“Yes, but you ate from that spoon.” Illumi remarked.

“Excuse me?” Hisoka pulled the spoon away from him. “What are you implying?”

“You put your mouth there. Why would I eat from there?”

Hisoka’s lips parted. Was Illumi implying he disgusted him? He felt **_very_** offended, something he didn’t know was possible for someone like him.

“Can we ride the drop-tower now?” Illumi asked.

“Go ahead, I’ll watch from here.” Hisoka stated, looking forward at the ride, eating the rejected spoonful of ice-cream.

“You’re not coming?” Illumi inquired.

“Well, I **_did_** just say I’d watch from here. That means I won’t go, no?” he kept the spoon in his mouth for a couple of seconds.

Illumi **_only_** began to notice something was off. Hisoka was acting different, all the sudden.

“You’re acting strange.” Illumi stated matter-of-factly.

“Ah.” Is all Hisoka responded. He still looked forward, avoiding Illumi’s gaze.

“Oh!” the assassin snapped his finger, believing he figured out what changed Hisoka’s mood. “I splattered ice-cream on your shoes. Is that why?”

Hisoka finally looked at him, lips pursed in annoyance. Illumi gazed expectantly, to which Hisoka could only laugh. Laugh at Illumi’s denseness, laugh at himself for feeling offended; laugh at how Illumi was making this night not-too-easy to enjoy the way Hisoka expected. It would be a waste of time explaining to the simple-minded assassin why the magician felt offended to begin with.

“I haven’t finished this glorious treat, Illu. ♥” Hisoka chuckled, in attempts to lighten the mood again. “I can’t ride while eating it.”

“Oh.” Illumi felt silly for believing something was wrong to begin with. “I’ll wait for you.”

“Are you sure? ♦” the magician inquired.

“Yes.”

He waited in silence as Hisoka took his time eating his ice-cream. He was almost done, now eating the bananas. They watched a second round from the attraction.

“Okay. ♥” Hisoka threw the empty container.

They waited in line. Hisoka peeked at Illumi, who was blankly looking forward. He broke the silence by chuckling, drawing the assassin’s attention.

He tried to softly run fingers through Illumi’s hair, but the latter pulled back before he could touch him.

 _Oh, Illu… why must you make this so tedious?_ “You should tie your hair, otherwise it’ll be rather uncomfortable. ♣”

“Oh.” Illumi muttered. “I didn’t bring a hair-tie.”

“What about your needles? ♦”

“They’re a bother to tie my hair with.” He brought his hair up and gathered it around itself, as though he were making a bun. He pulled his hood up, hair now hidden. “This should work.”

He looked rather intimidating. Black hoodie, very pale skin, and a pair of massive, black eyes.

“Mm. Scary. ♥” Hisoka purred, observing him intently.

There it was again. That tone, and the slight narrowing of Hisoka’s golden eyes. It stirred something in Illumi, something he couldn’t identify. A strange, warm feeling.

They were next.

Hisoka was incredibly excited, hoping that the vertigo would produce an expression in Illumi. Oh, he couldn’t wait!

They sat next to each other and buckled their belts, waiting for everyone else to accommodate. Hisoka looked like an excited child, which Illumi found amusing. Could he blame him, though? The assassin felt a dull hint of excitement himself.

They went up.

Hisoka held Illumi’s hand, and rose his arm. Illumi immediately pulled it back. “What are you doing?”

“Put your hands up, Illu! ♥” Hisoka smiled. “It makes it more fun.” He insisted, grabbing his hand again.

Hisoka’s long, slender fingers felt warm and delicate wrapped around Illumi’s. It was odd to the assassin how these deadly fingers capable of crushing bone and stone could feel so… inviting.

He complied.

The ride, now at the top, remained still for five seconds.

Four.

Three.

Two.

One.

Illumi heard piercing screams, and wind abruptly hit his face. A tingly sensation overcame his stomach, but his expression remained the same. It felt similar to when he jumped off a building. He suddenly felt squeezing in his hand, and recalled Hisoka was holding it. He turned to look at the redhead, and found a strange child-like innocence in him.

Hisoka bore a huge grin, his scarf blew up his face. He dangled his legs, yelling “ _wooh”s._ He looked relaxed, and happy. Illumi found it strange, but endearing.

He found himself, reflexively, squeezing his hand back. Had you asked Illumi why he did it, he wouldn’t know what to reply. His answer would simply be “ _because it felt right.”_

The ride ended.

Hisoka pulled his hand back and unbuckled his belt. “Wasn’t that fun? ♠” his hair was a mess.

“Yes.”

“Oh, you’re such a drag, Illu! Not even a smile. ♣” Hisoka jested.

“I enjoyed myself.” Illumi refuted.

They worked their way around the park, looking for attractions to ride. Hisoka spotted a shooting range. “What about that one? ♠”

“It looks boring, and too easy.”

“For a natural talent such as yourself, of course, dear Illu. ♦” Hisoka placed a hand on his chest. “But for us, everyday peasants, marksmanship can prove to be quite the challenge! ♣”

“You’re not a peasant.”

“Oh? ♥” Hisoka leaned forward in surprise, waiting for a compliment. “What do you mean?”

“You effectively throw cards into people all the time, shooting a gun should be a similar feat.”

“So,” Hisoka tried to squeeze a compliment out of Illumi. “would you say I’m” he leaned closer to his face. “special? ♥”

Illumi blinked at him.

“Illu? ♥” Hisoka insisted, smile stretching over his ears. Oh, how Illumi made him feel tingly inside!

“I suppose so, yes.”

“Oh! ♥” Hisoka moaned shamelessly. “Illu! ♥”

Illumi created distance between himself and Hisoka. Naturally, people around them stared with widened eyes.

“Would you kindly say it? ♥” Hisoka requested, wanting to hear those two/three words come out of Illumi’s precious lips.

“It looks boring. I want to ride something.” Illumi ignored the plea, choosing to deviate the subject instead. “I want to ride a roller-coaster.” He decided.

“Oh, but shooting is fun! ♣” Hisoka insisted. “You can gain prizes. Would you not like to get something for that little brother of yours?” Hisoka asked. “Kalluto, is it?”

Illumi tapped his chin.

“Or the **_very_** voluptuous one, Milky.” His eyes narrowed in a long smile. “How about it, hm? ♥”

 _Haha, Milky._ Illumi laughed mentally. “His name is Milluki.”

“Oh, my apologies! ♥”

Hisoka was… weird.

“Okay.” Illumi agreed.

They waited for the current people to finish. They were a couple, and the young man won a teddy bear for his girlfriend. Some spectators _“aww”d._

Illumi was up. He held the rifle, and before the worker could explain anything, he nailed every single shot in what felt like the blink of an eye. Spectators gasped, and clapped. Hisoka felt pride, even though it was only expected of the assassin.

His prize was a huge Angry Birds plushie. He observed it, ruling out Milluki. He wouldn’t like this. Would Kalluto like it? He didn’t care, because it was too big and annoying to carry. “Hisoka,” he called, drawing the redhead’s attention. “hold this.”

“Oh? ♥” he grinned immensely.

Spectators _“aww’d”_ and clapped even louder, the range’s worker and attendant joining in. Illumi looked around, trying to find the source of everyone’s attention.

Hisoka held the plushie close to him, looking at Illumi with narrowed, wondrous eyes. “Oh, thank you, Illu! ♥” he rose his tone on purpose, so everyone around could hear.

Illumi still didn’t understand.

He placed his chin on top of the plushie’s head, leaning towards Illumi’s face. “What shall we do now? ♥”

“I want to ride a roller-coaster.” He announced.

“Oh, right! ♠”

They walked.

“This is bothersome.” Illumi looked at the plushie, and the way Hisoka proudly hugged it. “It’s too big.”

“I shall carry it, don’t you worry. ♣”

“Yes, but where will you put it once we ride other attractions?”

“Mm, well, for the time be—”

Hisoka was interrupted by Illumi snatching the plushie away from him. He walked away.

“What are you doing with my plushie?”

Illumi glanced at him. “Your plushie? I won it. And it’s for…” he thought. “was for one of my brothers.”

“But you gave it to me… ♥”

“So you could hold it.” Illumi walked towards an empty bench and placed the plushie on it. He made his way back to Hisoka.

“Illu, seriously?” Hisoka exclaimed. “You’re just going to leave it there?”

“Yes.” He walked past him.

Hisoka stared at the plushie, feeling sorry for it. He hesitated before following Illumi.

They continued their search for the most intense roller-coaster, when both men were stopped in their tracks. Two young women tapped Hisoka’s shoulder, while another girl and two guys stayed behind.

“Yes? ♥” Hisoka turned his head, observing the young, attractive females.

“H-hi.” One of them, blonde with green eyes, shyly greeted. “Are you…” she hesitated, evidently nervous.

“Am I? ♥” Hisoka grinned, flustering them, plus the girl behind, further.

“Are you Hisoka Morow?” the other, brunette with hazel eyes, asked.

Illumi remained emotionless, observing the scene.

“Why, yes. Have we met? ♥”

“N-no, but we’re huge fans!” the brunette said. “You’re our favourite Heaven’s Arena fighter!”

“Oh! ♥” Hisoka smiled, offering his hand. “Well, it is nice to meet you. ♠”

“Oh my God!” the blonde exclaimed, holding his hand almost immediately. “Can we please take a picture?”

“Of course! ♠” he bore a coquettish smile, which drove the two girls mad, calling their other friends.

The brunette stood back to snap a photo of the blonde and Hisoka. The girl held Hisoka tightly, the redhead placing his hand on her waist, gently gripping it.

They repeated this various times, until every person had an individual photograph with Hisoka. The girls were **_too_** handsy with him, and he accepted, and happily reciprocated, every time.

Illumi was annoyed over this interruption, and his annoyance grew more when he was asked to snap the group photograph. He just wanted to ride a roller-coaster, why was this taking so long? The young man that made the request took two steps back the moment Illumi laid his eyes on him. He was scary as hell.

Nevertheless, he complied and took the photograph, returning the phone to the owner.

“Thank you so much!” the blonde hugged Hisoka as though her life depended on it.

Hisoka, as coquettish as always, “Mm, you’re most welcome! ♠”

Then, they finally left, the magician and assassin continuing their quest for a roller-coaster.

“You let them grope you quite a bit.” Illumi broke the silence.

“Well, they’re fans. ♥” Hisoka smiled. “It is only fair. ♠”

“Them being your fans gives them the right to fondle you?”

“My, my!” Hisoka grinned, rising his pitch. “Illu, dear, are you jealous? ♥”

It was only fair to ask. Illumi did sound jealous, or at least bothered by the fact strangers were touching Hisoka all over.

“There is no need for me to be jealous.”

They walked in silence.

“I would happily let you touch me. ♥” Hisoka announced.

“Why would I want to touch you?”

Hisoka smiled.

* * *

Illumi enjoyed it. The exhilarating and suspenseful feeling of being strapped in a seat, hearing the exciting buzzing from nearby passengers, readying themselves for what was about to come.

He enjoyed how the ride took off slowly, inclining. The clicking of gears hypnotised his ears, as he saw himself climb higher and higher—his blood pumping.

Then, everything dropped. He felt the rumbling and vibration of the cart reverberate through his bones, the wind slapping his face, hearing the piercing screams from the thrill-seekers around him.

He enjoyed dinner, and the amusing conversation.

He enjoyed Hisoka’s company.

Now, they were running full-speed, heading to the lake to observe the meteor shower. They didn’t talk, but all the way through, Hisoka observed Illumi.

His posture, the grace with which he ran.

His gusting mane.

His pale skin gleaming by the moonlight.

Just him.

They sped through a forest—a canopy green forest that reeked of age and history. Branches snapped as they ran, and they breathed in the rich air with the fragrance of leaves and mud. They followed a dirt-road for over three minutes, until they stopped at the edge of a steep rock.

Ahead laid the lake which the starry sky made gleam. It was surrounded by more canopy green trees, and mountains were visible in the distance.

“Here’s the place.” Hisoka announced, shading his eyes with his hand.

“Oh.” Illumi muttered.

Hisoka sat on the edge, leaning forward, resting his elbows on his knees. Illumi sat next to him, and they waited silently; waiting for the moment.

The redhead subtly checked his phone. The clock struck midnight. They were just in time.

They waited.

And waited.

And waited.

Until Illumi broke the silence. “This is taking a while.”

“Yes…” Hisoka muttered. He searched for something on his phone, response somewhat slow due to the wonky reception, and almost slapped his forehead.

_Space.com suggests the best viewing time will be around 2am local time._

_Idiot!_ His eye twitched.

“Is something the matter?” Illumi asked.

 _It was almost perfect._ Hisoka chuckled. “Mm, well, it turns out the viewing time is at 2 A.M.”

“What?” Illumi perked up. “That’s two hours.”

“Yes…”

Silence.

“I suppose the night has been a drag for you, since the point was to watch the meteor shower. Apologies.”

Illumi looked at him.

They were in silence for two minutes.

“I had fun.” The assassin announced.

“Hm?”

“It wasn’t a drag. I had fun.”

“Oh?”

“We can wait.” Illumi’s tone was **_almost_** gentle.

Hisoka grinned, eyes narrowing. As expected, he moaned, though this time he tried to keep it down. “Oh, Illu…♥”

Illumi blinked at him.

 _“Assassins don’t need friends.”_ The phrase he was drilled reverberated through his head.

Illumi brought a leg to his chest.

_But…_

He looked at Hisoka, who was staring at the sky, calm smile plastered on his face. His hair danced, due to the gusting wind.

_What if I’ve already found a friend?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, I hope you enjoyed this chapter! I feel it's quite wonky at times, but oh well, I felt like uploading it. I'm okay, in general, with the result. 
> 
> Please make sure to leave a comment, or kudos, if you've been enjoying the story! I accept all sorts of criticisms, as I want to improve. ♣


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just for reference:  
> 1\. "Himitsu" means secret. This is a reference to the 99' anime during the Hunter Exam, where Hisoka does this like I described in this chapter. It's cute as HELL.  
> 2\. "Jii-chan" is an affectionate way of saying "grandpa."  
> 3\. "Aniki" is how Illumi's younger brothers refer to him in the manga/anime. It's a way to address an older brother respectfully. So, when you see "Illumi-aniki" or "Illu-nii", it basically means "big brother Illumi."
> 
> I'M IN LOVE WITH THESE TWO. I'M NOT THE ONLY ONE THAT WANTS A THREESOME WITH THEM... RIGHT?

Soft city lights glowed through the undulating taffeta curtains. Illumi’s deceivingly fragile hands parted the silk fabric, allowing the moonlight to dimly light the room.

In the couch lay Hisoka, watching a documentary. He was attempting, with all his might, to furiously stare at Illumi without the latter noticing.

Because was crazy about him.

He used to be crazy about wanting to fight him.

He used to be crazy about violently fucking him, or viceversa.

He used to be crazy about tainting his pale skin with crimson.

But now he wasn’t.

Now he was just crazy about him.

He wasn’t crazy about or interested in fighting him, or allowing lust to overwhelm him and have his violent way with the assassin. He wanted none of that. What he wanted, right now, was much more different, but he couldn’t put his finger around it. He didn’t understand what he wanted specifically.

Because it was a foreign feeling. It was a warm, **_nurturing_** feeling.

He wanted to hold his hand. He wanted to listen to him talk about his insane family, and stories of his contracts.

He couldn’t even think about fighting anymore. Well, not to a deathmatch.

Because a deathmach would entail severely **_hurting_** him.

He didn’t want to **_violently_** fuck his brains out. He wanted something **_gentler_**.

In other words, he wanted to know more of Illumi. He saw him as someone interesting he wanted alive, and not a potential rival he was eager to kill.

Nothing got Hisoka off more than making a strong person fall to their knees, asking themselves “ _how could this happen.”_

He loved to fight.

He wanted to fight strong people.

But only to prove to himself he was the best. The strongest.

Because he wanted to ** _kill_** strong people.

And he couldn’t imagine himself doing this to Illumi. The assassin was terrifying, and while he never showed his bloodlust or full strength, it was evident he was hiding massive potential. He would make an ** _incredible_** opponent.

But Hisoka didn’t care about this anymore.

“This is nice.” Illumi halted his wandering mind, drawing the magician’s attention. “I’m not sure how I ended up here, but I don’t hate it.”

Hisoka chuckled. The assassin was **_so_** endearing. “Beautiful view, isn’t it? ♥”

“Mhm.” Illumi continued observing the city.

There wasn’t a cloud in the star-speckled sky. It was a surprise how gorgeous it looked, despite the light pollution. The rows of towering skyscrapers only added to the beauty of it.

Illumi drew the curtains, and made his way to the kitchen.

The hotel suite was large, cozy and elegant. The kitchen was in the same room as the living-room, and the separate rooms were the bedroom and restroom.

He poured himself a mug of coffee.

“Would you like a mug?” Illumi asked as he stirred the cream on the freshly-brewed coffee.

Hisoka sat up. “Oh, my…” he slicked his hair back. “what a pitiful host I am! ♣” He stood up and bolted towards Illumi’s side. He gently held his hand and lowered it away from the mug. “I’m the one supposed to be offering you. ♠”

It was quite difficult to not feel uneasy over Illumi’s impossibly large, black eyes. Naturally, the magician didn’t show a hint of discomfort, but it **_was_** a little intimidating to feel those two voids on you.

“Can I ask you something?” Illumi inquired, grabbing the mug, and creating distance between Hisoka and himself by walking to the counter beside them.

Hisoka nodded.

 “Why do you touch me so much?” he sipped.

This caught Hisoka off guard. “Sorry? ♦”

“I notice that you touch and hold my hands a lot. Why do you do it?” he sat on the chair, resting his elbows on the counter. He blew the hot beverage, sending steam to the magician’s direction.

“My, well,” Hisoka placed a hand on his chest, attempting to hide his embarrassment. “had I known it bothered you, Illu, I would’ve never done it. You just had to say the word. ♥”

Illumi sipped, muttering something the redhead didn’t catch. “I believe you misunderstood.”

“Hm? ♣”

“I didn’t say it made me uncomfortable, I asked why you do it.”

“Oh?” Hisoka smiled. “So, you do like having your hands touched? ♠”

“I didn’t say that either. You’re not listening to the question properly.” He sipped. “Are you deviating the subject to avoid responding?”

“Well,” Hisoka leaned against the fridge, arms crossed. “just because. ♦”

“Just because?”

“Yes. Just because. ♥”

“Ah.”

“Do you like it, though? ♣”

“I’m not used to it. I find it odd.”

“Mm, but that doesn’t answer my question. ♠” Hisoka shook his finger, to which Illumi perked up. “You can find something strange, and not be used to it, but still enjoy it. Having your hand held might feel foreign, but you can still like it and warm up to it.” Hisoka cupped his chin. “So, Illu… do you like it? ♦”

“I don’t know.” he answered sincerely.

Hisoka squinted. _Oh, you’re killing me…_ ♥

“Teal won’t suit you.” Illumi headed and sat on the couch, gracefully crossing his leg.

“What? ♣” he followed, sitting next to the assassin.

“I saw the hair dye box in the bathroom. If you’re planning to dye your hair teal, it won’t suit you.”

“Oh? ♠” Hisoka smirked.

Illumi placed his mug on the coffee table, and slid his body down the couch, placing his arms behind his head. “Though…”

He grabbed a strand of his hair and stared at it inquisitively. Hisoka understood immediately.

“No! ♠” he slapped Illumi’s hand away, forcing him to release his hair. “No way. No. ♦”

“Excuse you?”

“You’re not dyeing your hair.”

“I was just—”

“Illu, no.” Hisoka leaned forward. “Don’t touch your hair.”

“What?”

“Dyeing or cutting your hair would be the biggest insult to humanity.”

Illumi shook his head. “Excuse you?”

“You thought about it. Dyeing your hair.”

Illumi, once again, shook his head. “Excuse you?”

Hisoka speedily drew one of his cards that rested on the coffee table and threw it at Illumi, who caught it with ease.

“Excuse you!?” Illumi exclaimed for the fourth time, prepared to draw his needles. “Did you just threaten me over **_hair_**?”

Hisoka squinted in a long smile, but the cheeky grin reverted when Illumi crushed the Nen-powered card, drawing blood in his hand. A thin trail ran down his arm.

The puzzled redhead grabbed a paper towel from the coffee table and offered it to Illumi.

“No need.” The assassin responded. He bent his arm and lowered his head to lick the blood from his forearm up to his hand. Normally, he’d never think of licking blood off himself, but that only applied to other people’s. His own blood wasn’t an issue.

Hisoka’s mouth hung agape. He could feel warmth travel towards his groin.

_Oh… oh. Oh, goodness… ♥!_

Illumi was prepared to demand an explanation to Hisoka’s behaviour, but the magician’s expression halted him in his tracks. “Hisoka?”

_Oh…_

Hisoka threw his head back.

_Oh, Illu! ♥_

He gripped the couch, and he exuded the faintest bit of aura.

_You are… magnificent! ♥_

Illumi subtly stood up and headed to the door. Hisoka was being weird again, so it was, perhaps, time for him to fuck off.

He heard a moan, to which he reacted with an over-the-shoulder glance.

“Illu… _♥”_ Hisoka looked at him with half-lidded eyes _._ “Where are you going?”

The poor Zoldyck didn’t know what to respond. Should he lie and say he has somewhere to be? Of course not. He spent all night with Hisoka and it was almost 4 A.M. Quite evidently, Illumi had nowhere to be at this time.

“You are having one of your weird episodes again.” He responded with the truth, placing his hand on the handle.

“Please!” Hisoka turned his body to face him, squeezing his legs shut, trying to keep **_it_** in. “Don’t let that deter you from staying, I won’t do it again. Do come back? ♥” he begged.

“Why did you attack me?” Illumi inquired.

“Oh, I didn’t attack you. ♣” he chuckled. “It was nothing you couldn’t handle. It was more of a joke. ♠”

“You attacked me because of my hair.” Illumi stated plainly.

“You thought about dyeing that magnificent mane.” Hisoka shook his finger. “I can’t allow that. ♦”

The assassin exhaled slowly, letting go off the handle. He sat at the dining table, not wanting to be next to the quirky magician.

“You attacked me.” He repeated, pressing the issue. “Over hair.”

Hisoka shrugged.

Illumi grabbed a strand of hair and held it between two fingers, staring at it. “Would I really look that bad?”

The redhead perked up. “Of course not! ♥” he reassured immediately. He couldn’t allow the raven beauty to believe he would **_ever_** look bad. “But you’re pale as a ghost. Nothing would contrast your skin better than your natural hair colour. ♣” he crossed his leg and rested his elbow on his knee, placing his chin on his hand.

“Of all people,” Illumi twirled his hair. “ ** _you_** are the one talking to me about fashion.” He lamented.

“You’re not nice. ♠” Hisoka leaned back, crossing his arms.

Illumi **_almost_** smiled, much to his surprise.

Smile?

Over Hisoka?

Why?

He observed the redhead. The latter ran fingers through his hair, watching the megafauna documentary. Currently, they were showing a Titanoboa animation, speculating about the now extinct animal.

“That one looks fun to fight. ♦” said Hisoka.

Illumi leaned his head to watch what the magician meant. He saw the Titanoboa, sliding through the ground. 

The assassin was **_extremely_** tempted to smile. “Is that all you ever think about?”

The magician looked at him, “Hm? ♥” lips curving into a small, yet genuine and innocent smile.

“Is fighting all you ever think about?” asked Illumi, finding endearing how Hisoka would enjoy fighting a prehistoric animal.

“Mm…” Hisoka tapped his chin, pondering. “yes. ♠” he concluded, after a couple of seconds. “No. ♦” he changed his mind.

Illumi drummed his nails on the table.

“What are you doing all the way over there? ♥” the redhead asked, patting the seat next to him.

Illumi sighed, complying to sit next to Hisoka.

They watched the documentary together. The assassin wondered why Hisoka was still awake. It was almost dawn, yet neither had had a second of shut-eye.

“So, what colour do you suggest? ♠” Hisoka looked at him.

Illumi remembered his comment about how teal wouldn’t suit Hisoka. “Keep it the way it is.”

The redhead leaned forward to Illumi. “Do you like how it looks? ♣”

“Dye it black.” Illumi jested.

“Oh! ♥” Hisoka slapped a hand to his chest, feeling as though cupid shot an arrow through him. “Are you suggesting we should have matching hair colour? ♣”

“It was a joke.”

Hisoka pouted, attempting to look endearing.

He succeeded.

Illumi did the unthinkable, and brushed Hisoka’s hair back, sending goosebumps up the latter’s spine. “What’s your real hair colour anyway?”

Hisoka shuddered, holding a moan in. He rose a finger. “Hi-mit-su! ♥” he uttered each syllable separately, shaking his finger.

Illumi bit the inside of his lip, drawing blood. He was fighting with all his might to hold back a smile.

Hisoka made him feel **_so_** weird.

* * *

“Aniki?” Kalluto called for the fourth time, body erect and hands crossed in front of his body. His aura was impeccable—so beautifully concentrated it danced like a candle.

Illumi snapped out of it. “Yes?”

“A-am I doing okay?” the boy asked. Given how his big brother didn’t respond the first three times he called him, and how he looked distracted, it was only natural for the boy to believe he was doing something wrong.

The older Zoldyck observed, and his eyes almost widened in surprise. He was so immersed in his thoughts he didn’t notice the boy’s performance.

He perked up. “Magnificent…” he muttered involuntarily.

“W-what?” Kalluto asked in disbelief, unsure if he heard correctly. The surprise made him ease his guard.

“Continue your rhythm!” Illumi demanded. “Don’t lower your guard.”

“Yes!” Kalluto complied, expanding his Ren.

He stood up and circled Kalluto. “Amazing, Kallu.” He complimented. “Your progression is alarming.”

Kalluto held back a grin.

Illumi bent his left arm and held his right elbow, cupping his chin. “Unbelievable.” he complimented again. Because everything in the family revolved around Killua, it was easy to forget how much **_potential_** the youngest Zoldyck possessed.

“Aniki,” the boy called. “am I really doing well?” he asked timidly.

Illumi furrowed his eyebrows. “Rest.”

Kalluto complied, slowly suppressing his aura.

“Kallu.” Illumi crouched to level their eyes. “I need you to tell me something honestly.”

“Huh?” the boy rose an eyebrow.

“Why do you doubt yourself so much?” his big brother inquired.

The boy was silent.

“Kalluto,” Illumi rose his tone. “I’m not asking you, I am **_ordering_** you to answer me.”

The boy’s eyes widened. “I-I just,” he stuttered “I don’t know.”

Illumi blinked at him, knowing he was full of shit and **_did_** know.

“I guess I compare myself to Killua a lot.” He muttered. “No matter how hard I train, Mother only seems to think about him.” He pursed his lips. “And it’s not just Mother… Father too.”

Illumi understood.

“And…” Kalluto hesitated.

“And?” Illumi inquired softly.

“Nothing.”

They were in silence for a minute, though the sound of his thumping heart engulfed Kalluto’s ears.

“And?” Illumi spoke up.

“He can do anything he wants and no one bats an eye… e-everything we do has to revolve around him.” He felt nervous over his big brother’s stare. “B-but I’m just being a brat.” Kalluto rubbed the back of his head with a timid laugh.

“I told you,” Illumi rubbed his shoulders as an act of comfort. “don’t compare yourself to Killu. You’re an amazing Nen user and skillful assassin. Your potential is undeniable, and it doesn’t matter if Mother or Father, even Milluki or jii-chan, don’t recognise it, because Illumi-aniki does.” He brushed the boy’s hair back, ignoring the dampness due to the sweat. “They only don’t know how amazing you are, because they’re not the ones that train you.” He winked.

Kalluto grinned. His big brother Illumi always made him feel better. He made him feel visible, while to everyone else he was invisible.

He wishes Illumi were the heir. He deserved it in every sense of the word.

“Now,” Illumi stood up. “continue.” He demanded, and brought his phone out. “One more hour. Give me everything you’ve got.”

“Yes!” Kalluto complied. He resumed his previous stance: legs apart, erect posture and fists crossed.

His aura maintained a consistent flow, until Illumi chose to speed up the process. He knew he was ready.

“Show me your bloodlust.”

Kalluto channeled pent-up hostility, feeling his back tense up, forcibly contracting every muscle in his body. He gritted his teeth, and mustered every ounce of strength to exert all his Ren.

A sound akin to lightning struck the room, and pressure engulfed it.

Though the strength of the aura would never phase someone of Illumi’s calibre, it was, objectively, good enough. Any average Nen user would be rendered stiff, and non-users would easily be injured.

Illumi offered a smile, much to Kalluto’s surprise. He stopped.

“Nevermind the hour, that won’t be necessary.” He gripped the boy’s shoulder. “I’m giving you seven days to think hard, because starting from next week, we’ll develop your Hatsu.”

Kalluto gasped, his mouth forming a large _“o”_. “Seriously!?”

“Yes. Good job, Kallu.”

The boy rose his fist, then brought it back down “Yosh!” in victory.

A knock on the door interrupted them.

“Come in.” Illumi permitted.

The visitor, one of the butlers, bowed when stepping into the training room. “Master Illumi, Master Kalluto.”, they greeted politely. "Gotoh-san requests your presence, Illumi-sama."

“Because?” the eldest Zoldyck inquired.

“Zebro-san has called him various times now, over an outsider that insists to know you.”

Illumi rose a brow. “I’ll be right there. You’re dismissed.”

“Master Illumi, Master Kalluto”, the butler bowed, complying to the Zoldyck’s order.

“Aniki?” Kalluto questioned. “Someone that knows you?”

The last time something akin to this occurred, was when Killua’s “friends” demanded to be let in. Could it be that Illumi had friends as well?

“Go wash-up. Don’t tell anyone about this unless explicitly asked.” His big brother commanded, leaving the room.

Illumi worked his way around the Estate, finally reaching the Butler’s Headquarters, where Gotoh was located. He was visibly uncomfortable, hearing commotion through the other line. 

“Gotoh?” Illumi called.

“Master Illumi.” The butler bowed respectfully.

“What is the matter?” he asked, tone gentle in comparison to when he spoke to other butlers. He cared about Gotoh.

“A man has been outside the Testing Gates for over an hour now. He’s repeatedly told Zebro-san he knows the eldest son, and he’s forced him to call the headquarters since then. It doesn’t matter how many times I’ve told him to leave, as I did with that Gon boy, he continues insisting.” he pushed up his glasses. “He claims he can open the Gates.”

_Is it…? No, it can’t be. Can it?_

“Gotoh, are Mother and Father still at the Springs?”

“Yes, Illumi-sama.”

“Don’t tell them about this. I’m counting on you.”

“Yes, Illumi-sama.” He bowed.

“Tell Zebro to wait for me by Mike’s entrance.”

Gotoh complied.

Illumi made his way to the Gates, wondering why the hell **_he_** was here. He found Mike, who wagged his tail when seeing the assassin. The door was open, and Illumi could make out some of the phrases being spoken outside.

“ _I’ll have you know we are very good friends,”_ was one. “ _Dear Illumi will hear about this, do you hear? This is not how you treat a guest.”_ was another.

 _“Sir, please calm down!”_ was another.

The flustered old-man that cleaned up after Mike walked in. “Master Illumi.” Zebro bowed. “I apologise for bothering you, but th—”

“No apology is needed. What is the matter?”

Illumi knew **_exactly_** what the matter was. Zebro, however, explained. A strange redhead dressed in a jester outfit suddenly appeared, claiming he wanted to meet his friend. His friend, he explained, was the “ _eldest son_.” When told the Zoldyck children did not have friends, and that even if they did he could not be let in, the jester threw a fit.

He demanded they called his friend, and that if they didn’t he could very easily open the Testing Gates.

In other words, the redhead was being **_extremely_** dramatic, despite the fact everyone else was being very calm about the situation. Normally, he’d be disposed of, but Zebro could tell the jester was **_nowhere_** near being ordinary. Also normally, the butlers would be the ones to dispose of said people, since their Masters should **_never_** be bothered with such mundane issues. However, this stranger was **_clearly_** special. He was strong, and dangerous. The best course of action was to inform Illumi of the situation, so Gotoh could have his permission to act, but Illumi chose to assess the situation on his own.

“Did he tell you his name?”

“Hisoka.” Zebro responded.

Illumi almost pinched the bridge of his nose in annoyance. “Mike. At ease.” He commanded to the loyal beast, who now relaxed. “Let him in through Mike’s door.” he told Zebro.

The old man bowed his head, letting in the quirky intruder, who immediately enlivened at the sight of the eldest Zoldyck son.

“Illu! ♥” he smiled, and reflexively threw his body back, dodging three needles. “How rude! Is everyone in this manor this rude? Hm? ♣”

“Dismissed.” Illumi, blank expression, commanded Zebro to go back to the gate.

“Master Illumi.” He bowed, then complied.

“Oh. ♠” Hisoka smirked. “So respectful. ♦”

“What are you doing here?” Illumi inquired.

“Master Illumi… ♥” he squinted in a long smile. “I like, no, I **_love_** the sound of that. ♦”

“Stop bothering my butlers.”

“I only bothered them because I was dying to see you. ♦”

“Don’t you have a life to tend to?” Mike immediately stood up, gusting strong wind around the area due to his colossal size, when Hisoka attempted to approach Illumi.

“What an incredible beast. ♠” he refused to take a step back, though he didn’t take another step forward either. “I’m just bored and very, very lonely. I wanted to spend time with you. ♣”

“With me?” Illumi petted the hound’s leg.

“Can you come closer, since I can’t…” the magician looked up at the beast. “approach you? ♥”

The assassin complied.

“You see, dear Illu,” Hisoka leaned forward, now whispering. “I would like to…” he took a risk and held the Zoldyck’s hand. “take you out. Like that night. ♦”

For a fraction of a second, Illumi’s eyes widened. He resumed his blank expression immediately, however.

“What is wrong with you?” he took a step back.

Hisoka quietly panicked.

“Leave.” Illumi demanded.

“Oh, Illu, don’t get too hasty! ♥” he smiled, aiming to hide the massive panic that built up over his failed attempt at seduction. “I just wanted to know if you’re up for lunch. ♣”

Suave recovery.

“Why come all the way here for that? You could have texted me.”

“Well,” the jester held himself under control again. “I wanted to visit the area. It really is as enticing as the Internet and people say. ♠”

“So, you decided to pull a Gon?” Illumi jested, referencing to when Killua’s friends did a similar feat. His expression was blank, but he thought his joke was hilarious.

Hisoka’s shoulders shook in laughter. “Is that a yes? ♦”

“I didn’t agree.”

“You didn’t say no either. ♥”

Illumi sighed, blank expression. “Follow me.”

In any case, he could say Hisoka is a long-time client and that, given how the Zoldyck Estate is known to the public, he chose to give a personal visit. Since he’s strong enough to open the gates, he was worthy enough to receive in person, Illumi would argue.

“Oh… ♥” Hisoka moaned to himself quietly, eyeing Illumi from head to toe. He paid particular attention to the modest body part under his lower back.

The assassin knocked on the Butler Headquarters. Amane opened the door, eyes widening immensely, not expecting the assassin.

“Master Illumi.” She bowed immediately.

He nodded and led Hisoka to the living room, ignoring the surprised butlers. “Wait here.” 

Hisoka moaned a _“yes”_ in response, crossing his leg. He looked at Illumi innocently.

The assassin walked past Amane, and stopped to whisper. “If possible, do not let anyone know about him. But if it’s inevitable, tell Mother and Father he’s a personal client and he requested a job.”

He left.

Hisoka was left waiting on the couch, butlers staring at him. He pulled out a deck of cards and began shuffling. He moved to the floor, beside the coffee table, and began building a house of cards.

Amane walked towards him and bowed, placing a hand to her chest, and introduced herself. “Do you wish for anything to drink?”

“Mm. ♥” he looked at her intently, measuring her strength. _Good, but not good enough._ He returned his attention to the cards. “No, but thanks. ♠”

“I understand.” She bowed her head. "Please call me, or any of the butlers, if you wish for something."

"Mhm. ♦"

His presence made the butlers wary. This guy was different. They feared to acknowledge he was stronger than **_all_** of them, if it came to a deathmatch.

They, reflexively, worried about their Master, even though they knew they didn’t have to. After all, their Master was an absolute **_monster_**.

The jester hummed, and hummed, and hummed as he built his house of cards.

Ten minutes passed, and the door opened. There was Illumi. He fashioned his purple assassin outfit, though without the needles. Even though it was a formal outfit he wore when out on a job, it looked **_extremely_** elegant, and good enough to wear in public.

The assassin truly was a **_gorgeous_** creature.

In his mind, he thought it would be better to wear this outfit in case his parents inevitably heard about Illumi leaving with a stranger, as it would indicate it was due to a job. However, he also did it because Hisoka fashioned his usual, flamboyant outfit. People usually stared and, for some reason, he didn’t want the redhead to be the only one looking, or feeling, “out of place.” It was a thoughtful act Illumi didn’t understand why he did to begin with.

The house of cards dropped, and so did Hisoka’s heart. Oh, this assassin was **_so_** wonderful!

He wanted to fight him—unite, synchronise their heartbeats as one in a meandering dance.

He wanted to become one with him in bed.

He **_wanted_** this assassin.

Badly.

“Mm. Ready? ♥” Hisoka stood up, collecting all the cards with Bungee Gum. He walked up to the assassin and offered his arm so Illumi could hold on to it.

The assassin slapped it away. “What are you doing?”

Hisoka’s shoulders shook in laughter. “Nothing. ♠”

Illumi exhaled slowly, and, just like that, left with the quirky magician. Where would they go? He didn’t know. What did Hisoka want? He didn’t know. Why did he agree to leave the manor with him? He didn’t know either. He didn’t know what he was doing, but he was doing it.

Illumi was puzzled, and so were the butlers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed the chapter! I laughed at some parts because I'm a sad loser that sometimes laughs at her own jokes. Lmao.
> 
> If you did enjoy it, please make sure to leave kudos or a comment! I accept all sorts of criticism. ♠
> 
> Illumi's outfit: http://tinyurl.com/y9f2ocmr (he's so hot, goddamn)


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OKAY. OKAY, THAT TOOK A WHILE. It took me a bit to update, I'm so sorry to those of you who actively read this work! I've just had a MASSIVE case of writer's block. I'm sorry if this chapter is garbage. ;-;

Illumi crushed the beer-can and threw it away. He plopped on the mattress, body hung upside down the bed, his black mane cascading the floor. A position Hisoka thought looked uncomfortable.

“What about Milky?” Hisoka asked. “The way I—”

“Milluki.” Illumi corrected.

“The way I see it, everyone’s given a lot of freedom but you. How come, hm? ♥”

“I don’t follow.”

“Well, dear Killua’s allowed to leave and do as he pleases, even after you succeeded in making him return home. ♠”

Illumi sat up, rising his hand; indicating Hisoka to throw another beer.

The magician complied and threw a can at him, which the assassin caught with ease.

“Kalluto isn’t demanded to go on too many jobs, and the **_very_** voluptuous Milluki stays in his room all day,” Hisoka shuffled his cards. “yet you’re the one to do everything. Even training the fruits. ♦”

Illumi glared at the magician over the nickname.

He chuckled. “Even training your younger brothers. ♣”

“Killua is the heir. Father believes he’ll come back eventually. Kalluto is still very young, it’s only natural for him to not take in as many jobs as I do. As for Milluki, he has, perhaps, the most important or unique job, believe it or not.” He sipped his beer. He wishes he could get drunk, but his tolerance forbids it.

“Oh? ♥”

“He may not be physically capable, but he’s a tech-virtuoso, and can hack any information we could possibly want. This makes a lot of our contracts and infiltrations **_extremely_** easy. All the Zoldycks can fight, but he’s the only one with such a high computer skill set. He’s very unique.”

“Mm…” Hisoka tapped his chin. “I suppose that makes sense, but why not hire a tech-savvy butler? You’d accomplish the same thing, you know. If you have butlers for everything, why not hire someone who can take on Milluki’s job so he can go out and **_help_** you with the contracts?” Hisoka bit his inner lip, nonchalantly looking at the cards. “They’re very harsh on you, you know? **_Very_** unfair. ♠”

“Excuse you?” Illumi leaned forward, bristling over the thought alone of Hisoka insulting his family.

Hisoka noticed, and responded by leaning forward as well, releasing a faint bit of hostility. “They make you do everything, you might as well be the Head! You even had to raise Killua despite being a child yourself. It’s called parentification, and it’s **_very_** harmful. ♣”

Illumi almost huffed, though condescendingly. “Wouldn’t you agree that you, of all people, shouldn’t be speaking about what’s harmful or isn’t?” He exuded hostile aura proportional to that of Hisoka's.

The redhead put away his cards. “Are you attempting to negate my opinion because of who I am?”

“You get erections over fighting twelve-year-old boys. You have no place to be criticising anyone, much less my parents for entrusting the family heir to me.” Illumi sat against the wall. “It is quite an honour, after all.”

“Strong people with potential turn me on, not little boys. Not a difficult concept to understand, Illu.” He crossed his leg. “And all I’m saying is you should be the family heir. You might argue that they entrusted Killua to you, so surely it’s a flattering task, but it’s only irresponsible. Feel free to convince yourself otherwise, though, if it makes you feel better.”

Hisoka was on his side—supporting him, but Illumi didn’t see it this way. He, inwardly getting worked up but externally calm, was about to reproach, but Hisoka continued.

“Some of the consequences from parentification are overprotectiveness, control issues and extreme obedience, you might argue that to a fanatical extent. Does that sound familiar?” Hisoka squinted in a long smile.

Did the freak clown just make a good point?

“In other words,” Hisoka rose a finger. “you have mommy and daddy issues! ♥” He closed his eyes and smiled sweetly.

The innocent joke ended when he barely dodged three needles, one that pierced the side of his cheek, drawing blood. Illumi didn’t know why he did it.

Hisoka narrowed his eyes. “Mm…” he stood up, releasing bloodlust of his own. “I didn’t think you’d choose to fight me like this. ♣” he purred.

Illumi mimicked him, not out of hostility but out of instinct, and stood up. “What are you playing at, Hisoka?”

“You see,” Hisoka placed a hand on his hip. “you have very big, beautiful eyes. ♠”

Illumi squinted in suspicion over the change of subject.

“And yet, you are so very blinded. ♦” he ceased his bloodlust, which Illumi, slowly, emulated.

His biggest mistake was easing his guard for a second, as it was enough time for Hisoka to pounce. He stuck bungee gum on Illumi’s cheek, and pulled him in. In those short seconds, Hisoka spoke.

“Such big, open eyes, and yet they appear to be closed at all times! ♥” he uppercut Illumi, which the latter managed to block with his forearm. The assassin successfully kneed him in the stomach, making the magician lean forward. He elbowed him on the back to throw him to the ground, but he recovered instantly.

Hisoka gripped Illumi’s wrists and leaned his face towards the assassin’s with half-lidded eyes. “Mm… ♣” he purred, kicking him away unto the bed with Bungee Gum.

Both men understood this was far from being a serious fight, and is comparable to a child’s tantrum. They were on the same page on this.

Hisoka crawled up to the bed, leaning over him. He cupped the assassin’s face, his thumb applying pressure on his left cheek, while the rest of his fingers dug into the right one. He leaned his head closer to Illumi’s and breathed in his scent, shuddering.

Illumi drew his claws, and gripped the wrist Hisoka was holding him with. He dug into it gently, though the alarming sharpness still drew blood.

“You’re a manipulator,” their noses touched. Illumi’s expression remained blank. “yet you’ve been manipulated your whole life.” The redhead winced when feeling a laceration on his wrist. “You’re a puppet master, yet you’ve been a puppet your whole life.”

Their heartbeats synchronised.

“ _Assassin’s don’t need friends,” “Illumi do this, Illumi do that_ …” Hisoka whispered. “Do you really love your family, or is it only a robotic, forced loyalty?”

Illumi dug deeper, producing scrunching sounds.

“You’re **_so_** strong, **_so_** absurdly strong, yet **_so_** pathetically weak.” Hisoka’s expression was serious. “You have no mind or ambitions of your own.” He repeated the words Illumi told Killua in the last phase of the Hunter Exam. “You are pathetic, Illumi Zoldyck.” Hisoka let go off his face, standing up. “You’re not even worth fighting.”

He dusted himself off and turned his back to the assassin. “I’ve had my fun.” He waved his hand to the right, as if dismissing him. “You know where the door is.” He, calmly, left the room for the bathroom, to tend his wound.

Even someone of Illumi’s intellect had a hard time figuring out what the **_fuck_** just happened. Until it finally sank in.

Hisoka insulted him.

Hisoka humiliated him.

Hisoka stepped on his pride.

He, essentially, spat on his family’s name.

And Illumi let it happen.

* * *

Had Hisoka led him to a false sense of security? It took a while, but Illumi was beginning to consider the magician a friend. If a friend was someone whose company you enjoyed, then he did consider Hisoka one.

Didn’t Hisoka consider him a friend? Didn’t he reciprocate?

Pestering him, constantly asking him to dine together, spending a well-planned night akin to that of a date, even though Illumi refused to consider it one—weren’t these signs of friendship?

He thought that the jester coming all the way to Kukuroo Mountain, arguing with Zebro, and almost fighting his butlers, just to see him—just like Gon did for Killua—was a sign of friendship.

**_Friendship._ **

But the truth sank in at Hisoka’s hotel suite. He attacked Illumi, and, essentially, fucked with his mind. What puzzled the assassin most, however, was how he let it happen. He could have injured the magician, to defend himself, his pride—his family. With ease. But he didn’t do it. Because, in a way, he trusted Hisoka. He didn’t expect that to happen.

But it wasn’t just the attack towards his pride. Insulting his family and his obedience to his parents felt superficial, until **_it_**.

Until ** _it_** was said.

_“You’re not even worth fighting.”_

Hisoka, who values fighting above all else, finds no worth in Illumi. And it stung. It stung a lot.

Perhaps that’s what Hisoka wanted. He wanted to slowly win over Illumi, to then betray him. Because to him, this was betrayal. What the magician wanted was to play Illumi, that’s what he was certain of. That’s what got Hisoka off, he understood.

He was foolish.

_Assassin’s don’t need friends._

_A killer doesn’t need any friends._

_You don’t have the right to make friends._

_They’ll only get in the way._

_You’ll end up betraying them, or they’ll end up betraying you._

It was all true. Illumi confirmed it today.

He didn’t lose his cool, he didn’t attack back, verbally, or physically. The biggest reason for this was because he wouldn’t allow Hisoka to get to him. He wouldn’t show it, at least.

If what Hisoka wanted was a reaction from the assassin, he didn’t get one. The assassin calmly stood up, muttered how he wouldn’t get “ _free meals anymore_ ”, and left.  

He looked unfazed. Both when Hisoka insulted him, and when he left the suite.

But he wasn’t. A strange feeling overcame his heart as soon as he closed the door, but his inexperience in one-on-one relationships averted him from recognising what it was. Was it sadness?

Or indescribable emptiness?

He didn’t know.

Another thing the confused assassin didn’t know was the truth. And the truth was that Hisoka didn’t want to play him. Hisoka didn’t betray him. Hisoka was absolutely, irrevocably genuine in his feelings.

And precisely because of his feelings he did what he did.

Because he wants Illumi to be free.

* * *

Zebro drank his coffee, browsing through Netflix to watch something. No obnoxious tourists today, the ambiance was quite relaxing, so he chose to be cheeky and have fun; like a child does when doing something behind their parent's back. While many people would consider the job of gatekeeping tedious, Zebro loved it. His booth was very comfortable, and being able to look at the gorgeous landscape, plus the Testing Gates, gave him a strange sense of both insignificance and power.

Then, his reverie was interrupted.

His body went stiff. Every inch of his body tightened, and drops of sweat began to form. His mouth, agape, formed a small “o”, and broken, almost inaudible groans escaped him.

A sinister pressure overwhelmed him.

“This is…” he muttered.

He looked to the left, where dirt-road to walk up the mountain was.

“Master Illumi’s…”

A dark, purple aura in the shape of a whirlpool approached, blackening the area. Nearby trees gusted slightly, birds flying away from the sudden motion. The frightened gatekeeper could do nothing but observe as it came closer, until Illumi was on sight. His state of mind was as clear as day—a combination of agitation and pique.

Illumi was, clearly, upset.

The assassin suppressed his aura slowly when reaching the Testing Gates. He opened up to the sixth door: 128 tons.

He was close to breaking the gap. More intense training, and he’ll become the first non-silver haired Zoldyck to open the seventh and last gate: 256 tons

Normally, Zebro would bow and welcome home his Master, but he was paralysed. By the time he regained his composure, Illumi had reached Canary’s post.

She bowed respectfully. “Welcome home, Master Illumi.”

He didn’t say a thing.

This brought back memories. This agitated, yet non-threatening presence. The grim **_eyes._** She recognised this.

It reminded her of Killua, when he finally came home after somehow failing the Hunter Exam. After he came home by Illumi’s command.

 _“I made a friend.”_ He had said.

But Master Illumi wasn’t that kind of person. He was ruthless and incapable of genuine feelings, he wasn’t like Killua. He would never be upset for himself or anyone outside the Zoldycks. He ** _lived_** for the family and nothing else. Not even himself.

… Right?

So, what could possibly agitate a monster like him? It couldn’t be someone else, it’s impossible. Illumi just wasn’t that kind of person.

Right?

There’s no way that monster could possess any sort of feelings, no, he wasn’t like Master Killua. He wasn’t human. They were complete opposites.

He was long gone, yet Canary couldn’t stop pondering. Her mind went rampant, trying to figure out what upset that soulless monster.

A failed contract?

No. Illumi never failed.

Family issues?

Impossible. They would all know.

A human being? A human being outside the Zoldycks?

It can’t be.

Perhaps she’s overthinking. Perhaps Illumi is a **_little bit_** human, after all, and can be stressed at times too. He does carry a lot of the family's work and burden on his shoulders, after all. Perhaps it’s just nothing.

_But then why… why did he look **so** sad?_

* * *

The underground auction will start a month from now.

So, for the remainder of the month, Hisoka’s new home will be the filthy, abandoned building they call their “home base.”

His only source of fun was staring at Chrollo while he reads books.

Sure, staring at him was wondrous, given how he wanted to fight him and be the one to kill that magnificent beast, but even he had his limits. Where’s the fun in just staring? What else was he supposed to do? He blinked dully as he spun his phone with his index finger.

Uvogin’s hearty laughter interrupted Hisoka from his blank reverie. He was laughing at Nobunaga, who looked annoyed. Phinks halted his conversation with Feitan to smirk at them, hands in pockets, as if silently laughing along with the powerhouse that is Uvo.

Chrollo, for a fraction of a second, looked away from his book. Then, his lips curved into the faintest smile.

Hisoka sighed quietly, looking down to them one last time. He tilted his head back against the wall, and looked to the right of the broken window half his body leaned against. It was nighttime, the moon was as round as an orange, as pale as a ghost.

He unlocked his phone, and found no notifications.

 _“Lunch?_ ♠ _”,_ he had texted. Eight hours ago, and, still, there was no response, much to his hidden chagrin. He swallowed slowly and his eye, involuntarily, twitched, as though he had eaten something sour.

He tightened his grip on the phone, attempting to measure his strength as to not crush it to dust.

Two weeks.

That had been the amount of time Illumi had disappeared for. At first, he didn’t mind. Illumi, while attentive to his phone, sometimes took a while to respond. But then, as the days passed, and as his continuous texts were continuously spurned, the slight, stomach-turning sensation continued to grow in Hisoka’s belly.

And while his cool demeanor never faded, deep down it was starting to shrink little by little.

Had he done something wrong?

Was Illumi truly so busy that he couldn’t respond a single “ _no_ ”?

Had Illumi **_died_**?

Hisoka, suddenly, smiled over the absurdity of this guess and laughed quietly, shoulders slightly shaking in laughter.

No, of course Illumi hadn’t died. Illumi would never die.

Then, his smile slowly dissipated as he continued staring at the moon.

He didn’t understand the feeling in the pit of his stomach that brewed whenever he thought about Illumi’s sudden disappearance. It was strange. It was tingly, but it wasn’t good. If he thought too much about it, the sensation would spread to his chest, then all the way to his throat.

That’s when he felt something coming his way, and instinctively dodged. With much ease. He looked down to his left, and found Machi, hand on hip, staring at him with the dullest eyes after throwing a Nen powered pin.

He smiled, the long smile with closed eyes that exasperated some of the Troupe so much. The “cute”, “innocent” smile.

“Yes? ♥”

“Tch.” She bit the inside of her lip. “We’re going out for take-out”, Uvogin, Nobunaga, Pakunoda, Feitan, Shalnark and Phinks looked at him expectantly. “What do you want?”

He pondered momentarily, then answered almost without hesitation. “Hot chocolate, and something sweet. Perhaps brownies, or a dessert.” He drawled the last word, lips parted, wondering why he asked for that. Besides bubble gum and the occasional ice cream, he wasn’t too fond of sweets, contrary to popular belief.

In these short seconds, he thought about why he ordered something so out of the ordinary, and then he found that, regardless of what he mused, every memory led to a final thought: Illumi.

 ** _He_** loved sweets. But…

“We’re talking about actual food, baka.” Phinks said, annoyed.

“Oh, are you that concerned about what I eat? Then, in that case, I do not require such sweet treats, as your concern is sweet enough for me. In that case,” he placed a hand to his chest, feigning pride. “just bring me whatever **_you’ll_** eat. ♣” he swiveled one of his heart cards.

Uvogin laughed out loud over the comment and Phinks’ shocked expression.

He was about to refute, perhaps say something snarky and how he’d love to kill Hisoka for being annoying—since it was normal for Phinks to threaten every member but the boss whenever they annoyed him—but Shalnark interjected. “Alright, alright!” he put his hands up, calming Phinks down. “We’re off, then, danchou.” He held Phinks’ shoulders and turned him back, forcing him to walk outside, preventing him from starting a fight with the jester.

Everyone else laughed to themselves, and nobody but Machi noticed how Hisoka’s expression, after looking away, went from cheeky, to one of sorrow.

Even if for only a second.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How garbage was this from 1 to 10? *sigh* I'm sorry. I've just been very blocked, and I don't know why. Hopefully this will help me warm up and get back on track.
> 
> If you're enjoying the story, make sure to leave kudos if you haven't, and leave your thoughts in the comment section! I'm so sorry if this chapter was disappointing/underwhelming.
> 
> Until next chapter (perhaps)! ♠


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, I'm so happy to be updating this fic!
> 
> It's been a long, long time, and I want to apologise for that. Sorry to keep you waiting, but I do suffer from big cases of writer's block. I was compelled to continue this fic because I didn't check this site for about two days a month ago (I check it a LOT, usually), and when I checked it again the fic suddenly had about two hundred more hits and about thirteen new kudos. I thought it was pretty insane people were still interested in this fic, despite the almost five month hiatus, so I felt it was fair to continue writing.
> 
> As usual, I'm scared shitless of posting a new chapter because every time I post a new one, I'm afraid no one will like it or that it won't live up to anyone's expectations. Frankly, I do like how this one turned out. I know that a lot of you must be craving some HisoIllu, and it *will* come, but not yet. This is obviously an HisoIllu fic, but I don't want romance to be the only focus, so you'll have to wait a little longer if you want direct fluff or smut.
> 
> With that aside, I apologise to those of you who have an interest in this fic. I know how annoying it is to want to read something only for the author to never update. I have a main Attack on Titan fan-fiction where I let the readers know when I'm going on hiatus (some might consider it lame, but I feel I owe it to the readers), just to let them know, but I don't know why I never did that for this one. 
> 
> Enough chatter! See you at the end notes. 
> 
> Enjoy the chapter.

“Why…” the man asked in a hoarse, petrified voice. “Why do you do this?” tears prickled his eyes. “Why do you kill people who have done nothing to you!?”

Illumi simply stared down at him, his pregnant wife’s heart cupped around his hand. Minimal drops of blood ran between his fingers. “Because it’s my job.”

The man whimpered, saliva running down the corners of his mouth.

“It’s nothing personal,” Illumi reassured, as though it made things better.

“What gives you the right, you piece of shit!?” he screamed furiously. He crawled closer to Illumi and held his ankle, shaking it back and forth, futilely attempting to make him fall.

“I don’t have the right,” he answered sincerely. “I just take it.”

He looked up inquisitively and crushed the heart as though it were a mere crumb of bread. His attention was drawn back down to the man, who screamed so loud at the action Illumi’s eye almost twitched. He sobbed uncontrollably.

The assassin flicked the blood off his fingers.

“I don’t understand,” Illumi tilted his head. “why do you cry?” he pondered sincerely and without any malice whatsoever. “You’re alive. Isn’t that a good thing?”

The man’s crying suddenly ceased, and he looked up at his bearer of sorrow in complete bafflement. Did he not comprehend the severity of the situation? How couldn’t he understand something as obvious as the pain of loss?

His life meant nothing before the horrifying sight of losing his wife and unborn child.

“I apologise for the mess,” Illumi’s claws retracted. “in ordinary conditions, I’d be swift and clean, even do it without any witnesses, but I’m only following my client’s orders.”

He bowed his head. “Goodbye,” he turned to leave.

“W-where are you going, you piece of shit!?” the man slammed his fist against the floor. “Finish the job, you fucking coward!”

This made Illumi stop in his heel. He cast an over-the-shoulder glance.

“The job is done,” he pointed at the woman’s lifeless body.

The man pressed his forehead against the floor in defeat. “Kill me…” he sobbed.

Illumi turned to him. “I’m sorry, I can’t. I don’t work for free. But if you pay, we can arrange your own death,” he smiled.

That was Illumi’s idea of a joke.

The man simply held a hand to his stomach, gagging. The bloody sight and emotional stress was too much to bear. “How can you people do this… how?” he mumbled.

“I thought I told you it’s my job,” he blinked in confusion.

He wondered why this man insisted in talking. Most people he met tended to be paralysed in fear.

“My wife… my baby…” his voice broke in a sob. He slammed both fists against the floor again, the tears stemming forth like water from a dam, jaw trembling like a child’s.

Illumi simply stared.

_I do it because…_

_It’s all I’ve been taught. Why is that bad?_

He walked to the window, pace slow, but his neck stubbornly insisted on making him cast a backwards glance at the man. He crawled up to his wife’s corpse and held her hand. He futilely attempted to shake her awake and pressed his ear to her stomach.

He sobbed more.

Illumi looked forward and jumped off the window. He held both arms up, one knee to his stomach as his hair flew up by the wind.

Perfect landing.

He sighed and sought his transmitter from his pocket, clicking it.

“It’s me. The job is done.”

The voice on the other end conceded and congratulated him, as per usual.

He clicked off the transmitter, then put it back in his pocket, sighing.

Another night, another job.

How absolutely dull.

He swiftly jumped away from house to house, until he was exactly ten miles away. He landed on a sidewalk, and smoothly meshed amongst the pedestrians.

Considering how he was hundreds of times faster than the average human eye, nobody noticed the pale, lithe male with long raven hair jump and latch onto a building, then to the one in front, repeating this back and forth until he reached the tallest building’s rooftop.

He stood on the very edge and shadowed his eyes, despite it being nighttime, observing the scenery.

He was unbelievably bored.

Illumi didn’t realise how dull his life truly was until his former comrade, Hisoka, betrayed him. He was better off without him, since he didn’t need to associate himself with what he considered to be “treacherous snakes” outside of business, but he couldn’t help giving the jester a bit of reason.

He was a dull man indeed. But he didn’t need to be interesting, he just needed to be effective in his job.

His job bestowed by his parents.

Yes, the job he was bestowed. Not the job he chose.

He suddenly frowned and reprimanded himself. _Why am I even thinking that?_ He scrunched his nose.

Had Hisoka seen that expression, his heart would have grown two sizes.

And his pants too.

His phone buzzed again. He was growing sick of it. It was always Hisoka—he could block him, naturally. But if he blocked him, it would require effort. Mere seconds of effort, but effort nonetheless. That’s something he couldn’t afford to give Hisoka, even though his pestering would be more annoying in the long run.

Blocking him would mean Hisoka affected him somehow, and the redhead would obviously notice. If he ever met him again, he’d have to give an explanation.

Illumi would have none of that.

Yet after all this thought process, he only remembered then that he had muted the notifications from Hisoka’s contact a while back. So, it was either Chrollo or Killua.

He gasped to himself very quietly at the possibility it could be his younger brother.

He held his breath and unlocked the screen.

It was Chrollo.

He pursed his lips in annoyance and disappointment.

He would take a _“hi”_ or something as small as a comma or any random character from Killua over any absurd amount of money Chrollo offered.

_Hello, Illumi. It’s been a while. I’d like to meet up to discuss some plans. Are you available?_

_\- Chrollo_

Illumi, left hand on his hip and hair waving from the wind, texted with his free hand.

_Yes. Time and date?_

_Tomorrow,_ texted Chrollo. _Crepes & Waffles, noon. _

_Done,_ responded Illumi.

He stuck his phone in his pocket and breathed in deeply as he looked up, eyes closed. He buried in the deepest parts within himself the obnoxious necessity to scream at the top of his lungs.

He was **_so_** bored.

And nobody could blame Illumi for feeling as though he were losing his mind.

He had been sheltered and isolated from the world for twenty-four years, and the only occasions he left home were when he had to kill as a job, and the only time he left the manor for an unprecedented amount of time was when he had to infiltrate a specific place for yet another assassination.

Everything revolved around killing. There was nothing else in his life.

Suddenly, his eyes flared open and a shocked frown materialised in his face. He held his breath as the wind slapped his face and his raven mane danced.

Now he understood.

 _“I’m sick of killing people,”_ Killua had said. _“It’s annoying.”_

He bit the inside of his lip until he tasted iron. No, he was wrong for thinking such a thing. His expression returned to normal and he rose his left arm to eye-level.

He was wrong. How dare he disobey his parents, even if mentally?

He had no right to think such things. He drew his claws and lacerated his forearm until he could hear the sound of drips falling on the floor.

That should teach him.

He shook the blood away and stuck a needle in his forearm to close the wound. That should do until he gets home to fully treat it.

He sighed and jumped off the building.

It was time to go home.

* * *

“Where is it that you’re going, danchou?” asked Shalnark, referring to Chrollo’s announcement he would be gone tomorrow.

“There’s someone I must see,” he said, not looking up from his book. “It’s regarding the auction. Should anything interfere with our plans, they’ll be the ace in our sleeve.”

Shalnark, both hands on hips, nodded proudly, as did Machi and other members.

That was their boss. As ready and witty as ever.

Hisoka couldn’t even find it in himself to care as much as he usually would. He stood up and jumped off the ledge next to the window he reclined against.

“If it’s okay with you, boss, I remembered there’s something I must do, too.”

“Go ahead, Hisoka,” he smiled at him. “So long as you’re back by dawn.”

“Of course,” he feigned a cheeky smile.

Quite naturally, the only one who noticed his act was Machi. The Troupe member with sharp instincts that would, in the near future, challenge even the irrefutable psychometric power of Pakunoda.

There was something wrong with him. She’s the only one who noticed this.

But there’s no reason for her to care. He’s the Troupe outcast. His feelings didn’t matter. So, why was she so curious?

Perhaps it was odd to see such a flamboyant, cheeky jester; the seemingly invincible Hisoka, so undeniably upset.

What could upset him, after all?

* * *

“Sit down,” Silva motioned to the pillow seat across him.

Illumi, heart thumping in his ears, complied. He sat on his knees, and placed both hands on his thighs.

“Is something the matter, father?” he asked.

“Yes, something is the matter,” he responded coldly. “there are two things I’d like to discuss with you.”

Despite looking emotionless, panic was brewing in Illumi’s heart. He was able to control his breathing, but had he not, his slowly spiraling out of control heart would make the anxiety evident by his ragged breaths.

“First,” he rose a finger. “why have you been visiting Alluka without permission?”

Illumi blinked.

Silent seconds ticked by, and a slowly developing pressure enveloped both men.

Silva brought his hand down. “I asked you a question, son.”

Being referred to as _son_ , rather than by his name, soothed Illumi a little. He was still agitated, but not as much. But how did he find out? How?

“I’ve been curious,” he lied.

“About what?” Silva hunched forward, stern tone back.

His lilac, cattish eyes pierced Illumi like a shard of glass. The uneasiness increased again.

“I hadn’t seen her,” Silva’s eyes widened, his cattish pupils contracting in warning. Illumi immediately understood his mistake. “Him. I hadn’t seen him, or rather, them two, in a while.”

Silva relaxed again.

“I wanted to extract information off Alluka, anything related to Nanika. It never surfaced on the times I visited him. I wanted to take advantage of that. I thought that if I had a better understanding of that thing,” the last word left his mouth as though it tasted sour. “the threat to our family would be gone. I was foolish, father.” He bowed his head, “I apologise for my insolence. I’m prepared to accept whatever punishment you deem fit.”

Silva’s expression softened. “There will be no punishment,” he said. Illumi looked up at him curiously. “not this time. But allow me to warn you: should there be a next time, there will be. Regardless of your intentions, are you truly putting your own feelings above the family’s well-being? Are you willing to endanger our family to sate your own curiosity? What if Nanika had surfaced? What would have you done then? We still don’t know what happens if someone that thing makes a request to disappears from its sight for a prolonged period of time.” He rose his tone. “You put yourself in danger, Illumi.”

“You are much smarter than that, son,” his tone was almost gentle. “It’s very unlike you to do such things, specially without asking for permission. You’re an irreplaceable commodity for our family. We can’t have you put yourself in unnecessary danger. Am I clear?”

Illumi wanted to frown. _An irreplaceable commodity? A commodity?_

“Yes, father. Thank you,” he bowed his head again, eyes glaring sadly at the floor. He looked back up, expression normal again.

“Good. Now that we’re clear on that, the second thing I want to discuss.”

Illumi nodded.

“We’ve been hired for a new job. It’s a contract of magnitude we haven’t had in a long time.”

Illumi’s lips parted.

“You are familiar with the Empire of Libetra, yes?”

“Of course,” he nodded.

“Then you should know that the Royal Family of Kanem will soon be succeeding an heiress. She won’t be crowned yet, of course. She’s merely being appointed to stand in line for when the title is vacated.”

Illumi sighed quietly in annoyance, already knowing what the trite contract will be.

“The target is Petra Elyse. Something the Royal Families haven’t changed in is that there’s no necessity for surnames, so they didn’t tell us any specifics. There will be an aristocratic party to celebrate the several heiresses.”

Illumi was waiting for the dreaded word.

“You are to act as a courtesan for the Queen. Do whatever is necessary to get close to the target and get the job done. You know how to do it.”

He held back a frown.

“All the paperwork should be in your bed by now. You’re dismissed, son.”

Illumi bowed his head, thanking Silva. He stood up and left, a sad expression inevitably overcoming his face the moment he shut the door.

He headed for his room, quietly shutting the door. He observed the files on his bed and sighed. He took off his clothes and folded them carefully, leaving them on the dirty laundry basket. He turned the shower faucet, letting the water run until it was his preferred temperature.

He went back to his bed, grabbing the manor telephone from the night-table. He rang to the Butler’s headquarters.

“Yes?” the voice on the other end asked.

“This is Illumi,” he stated.

“Master Illumi,” the butler swallowed. “how may I help you? Is there anything you need?”

“I’m hungry. I want eggs, bacon, a pile of pancakes smothered in syrup, and a pile of crepes with marmalade and butter. A tall glass of chocolate milkshake, too.”

“Absolutely, Master Illumi!” the Butler responded, taking mental note of everything. “Shall we prepare the dining table, or do you wish to eat in your room?”

“Leave it in my room,” he grabbed a strand of his hair and looked at it. “I will be bathing, so the door is unlocked in case it’s ready before I’m done.”

“Yes, Master Illumi. Is there anything else?”

“No,” he bit down a _“thank you,”_ and hung up. He wasn’t supposed to thank his butlers, but he had the “bad” habit of doing so. They were there so serve him—unless he were on an infiltration job and needed to display manners, there was no need for him to be so polite to butlers, he had been told.

Don’t be ill-mannered, but don’t be too courteous either, he had been taught.

Hisoka had always laughed at how such a cold-blooded killer could be so attentive to details like constantly thanking workers he was attended by in the service industry, particularly waiters. He had always been so fascinated at how polite Illumi had been. A man that, despite being heavily tortured and living through horrors as a child, was still raised in a luxurious mansion with the best commodities, food and service.

It was a funny irony, Hisoka had said, fascinated.

Illumi only realised then he had been staring at himself in the bathroom’s mirror for he didn’t know how long. But he noticed his expression. His undeniably sad expression.

Suddenly, the sadness in his normally empty eyes brewed something in him, and he remembered.

_A commodity._

He frowned even more. _Is that all I am?_

_Is this how Alluka feels when she’s referred as an object by the family?_

He suddenly found himself deep in thought.

_Hisoka held Illumi’s hand, and rose his arm. Illumi immediately pulled it back. “What are you doing?”_

_“Put your hands up, Illu! ♥” Hisoka smiled. “It makes it more fun!” He insisted, grabbing his hand again._

Illumi gradually smiled at the memory.

He didn’t know why, but he looked at his palms. His soft and pale, delicate palms one would never imagine could crush bones and stones to dust.

 _Now that I think about it…_ he smiled more. _The only times I felt normal was when I was with him._

He looked at the ceiling, as though somehow, he’d magically be transported back in time and the view he’d take in was the dark but star-filled sky. As though he’d look to his side and see Hisoka’s somehow innocent and genuine smile directed at him.

The smile reverted.

_What am I…?_

He clenched his jaw so tightly that for a second, he thought his teeth would shatter.

He shook it off and took a brisk shower to rid himself of the dirt he thought he had. No matter how swift and clean a job was, he always needed to take a shower as soon as he was done. He'd always be blood free unless the targets were strong or unless he were asked by the client to be messy, but he still felt the need to clean himself.

Perhaps it was his way of undoing what he had done.

He ran his fingers through his body, closing his eyes at the ticklish feeling. Once he was done, he dried his body and let the water run on the whirlpool bathtub.

Now that he was free of the dirt he never had, he felt clean enough to take a bath.

His eyelids felt heavy and he was about to give in to the drowsiness when he felt a presence closing in on his room. It was most likely the butler with his dinner.

He heard a polite knock on the door, and the butler walked in after Illumi yelled at him to leave the dinner on the nightstand.

He closed his eyes.

His head rested against the wall, a hand placed to his chest. His hand lowered a little, slowly caressing his taut abdomen. He curled his toes and he unconsciously thrust forward, feeling warmth travel down his groin.

His hand traveled a little farther down, his cock hardening. He closed his hand around it. Heat sizzled up his spine as he stroked himself—once, twice, three times, then he smoothed back down the base of his shaft. _How would it feel if I…_

He bit the inside of his lip.

He gripped his shaft tighter, feeling it pulse in his palm. With his free hand he stroked his balls, while the other slowly pumped his cock, gradually picking up the pace.

_How would it feel if I were inside him?_

Then, he froze, and his eyes flared open. The darkness of his closed eyes was replaced by the white light of the bathroom, ending his reverie. His mind subconsciously created an image of Hisoka, a normal Hisoka, no make-up and hair down, licking his lips with half-lidded eyes, hovering over Illumi.

His mouth hung, heart thumping. His mind betrayed him by creating an unwanted image against his will—an image he wanted to convince himself disgusted him, but obviously didn’t.

His cock only throbbed harder.

He slid down the tub until only his eyes were visible. The rest of his body was hidden in the water.

His cheeks flared up in embarrassment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well? Did you like it? I really hope you did. I'm so scared lol I was specially freaking out during the masturbation scene because I'm so shy and I feel so cringy when I'm writing smut. I'm so, so sorry if it was bad, but I'm still learning.
> 
> If you liked the chapter, please leave kudos and a comment to show your support! Likewise, if you didn't enjoy the chapter or haven't enjoyed how I've executed the story, feel free to let me know. I'm open to all criticism. 
> 
> In order to stimulate my shitty mind and ease the writer's block so I can fucking update faster next time, I'm accepting prompts! Feel free to contact me here: https://twitter.com/AMorteToMal if you want to request anything, or write to me at ana@ipcg.co
> 
> I do this for my main fan-fiction and I get really happy because I get to talk to some of my readers and we gush about the ships we love and it's so cute and fun lol so yeah 
> 
> PRIVATE BOOKMARKS ARE THE BANE OF MY EXISTENCE
> 
> Thanks for reading! Until next chapter (perhaps). ♠


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